Thursday, April 30, 2009

Bartering For Good Behavior?

I just got done meeting with one of my therapists, for lack of a better word. I'm not exactly sure what I should call her, besides heaven sent. We spent a good part of the hour discussing my 10 year old's behavior. It is not pretty.

What I'm doing currently is not working. Obviously. So she suggested bartering for good behavior.

It would go something like this: He gets grounded for hitting his brother, but is then able to do chores (or whatever else we can think of) to get ungrounded earlier.

At first I was resistant to the idea. Very resistant. To me, that sounds like I'm making it okay to do the crime, because he can always be pardoned earlier. Towards the very end of the hour, I'm thinking, welllll it can't hurt to try it, really, can it?

On the way home it kind of hit me though. I mean, what the fuck? I have to actually barter with my 10 year old for good behavior? (Angela, if you are reading this, please don't be upset. I am not aiming any anger towards you. I appreciate all you do for us!). I mean, how bad have things really become, that I have to bribe...uhh....I mean barter with my son for him to not hit his brother, or to not throw a fit, or to do his homework, or to clean his room?

Please!! What do you do to help your kid with ADHD, and most likely ODD? I would love some tips here. Some constructive tips, please. I really don't need meaness. I need suggestions.


The Mother said...

I'm a big fan of Draconian punishment. My kids have been punished in many mean, innovative ways. Sometimes it makes a dent, other times, not so much.

But the meaner the punishment, the more amenable I am to allowing the kid to earn back some trust and mitigate his sentence.

I agree with Angela. What have you got to lose? If what you're doing now isn't working, try something else.

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