Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Fuck You by Ceelo

Okay, I realize it isn’t Music Monday, and that technically it should be unWordless Wednesday, but this is some funny shit.

It’s got a catchy tune, but don’t watch it if you don’t like the Eff Word.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Him: Are You Going To Help Me?

Me: Sure. What do you want me to do?

Him: Nothing.

Me: But you want me to help you?

Him: Yes.

Me: Soooo, you want me to help you, but you don’t want me to do anything?

Him: Yes.

What The Fuck?

Friday, July 16, 2010

I Love To Sing While I’m

driving. I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned that. Once or twice.

I am bad. I feel sorry for anyone who rides with me, but I just cannot help singing.

I think back to when I was in 6th grade.

The new music teacher put me in music enrichment. You know, the group of kids that had some talent and got to do extra shit.

I wonder what the fuck he was thinking.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

unWordless Wednesday

How my boys have decided to decorate the light switch in their closet.

Please don’t ask.

I have no answers.


Tuesday, June 29, 2010

It Is Pure Bliss When

I pop in one of my Sublime CD’s and the kids yell Yay!! We get to listen to mommies music.

I LOVE my kids.

My kids are AWESOME!!


Monday, June 28, 2010

Music Monday ~

In light of what’s been going on recently, I thought I’d throw this song out there.

You know, as one last Fuck You.

Cause I’m like that.

We Are Family lyrics

We are family
I got all my sisters with me
We are family
Get up ev'rybody and sing

Ev'ryone can see we're together
As we walk on by
(FLY!) and we fly just like birds of a feather
I won't tell no lie
(ALL!) all of the people around us they say
Can they be that close
Just let me state for the record
We're giving love in a family dose


Living life is fun and we've just begun
To get our share of the world's delights
(HIGH!) high hopes we have for the future
And our goal's in sight
(WE!) no we don't get depressed
Here's what we call our golden rule
Have faith in you and the things you do
You won't go wrong
This is our family Jewel


Sunday, June 27, 2010

I Was On Vacation For Two

DSC_0185 weeks.

Oh my god we had so much F.U.N.!!!!

Our vacation was in Virginia, which is pictured to the right.

Then we drove to West Virginia, Ocean City Maryland, we saw my husband’s dad, we visited his Aunt. Our oldest niece on his side graduated.

Our 1st baby is through high school!!! Amazing.

And she is amazing. She’s wonderful. I can’t wait for her sissy to graduate in 3 years. She’s amazing too.

I had a shit ton of awesome motherfucking stories to tell you.

Then we got home.

The shit hit the fan.

It’s some stuff I don’t really want to get into, but it’s pretty fucking bad.

Nothing with my immediate family, so don’t worry. Everything is okay there.

Hopefully I can come out of this slump and get those blog posts cranked out.

I miss all you bloggy friends!!

Monday, June 21, 2010

To The Flight Attendant Who Recoiled

in absolute horror when I walked near her with the bag full of barf:

  1. Fuck you.
  2. I wasn’t going to touch your ugly uniform with the motherfucking barf.
  3. I would have liked to after you acted like such a bitch.
  4. You are totally, undeniably UNprofessional.
  5. You suck.
  6. Get over it. I’m sure this isn’t the 1st nor last bag of barf you will ever see.
  7. I had to hold that shit for 25 minutes before I could get to the bathroom with it.
  8. Thanks for your help.
  9. Not really.
  10. Fuck you.

P.S. Not even my barf. Oh, the things we do for our kids.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Something Eerie Yet Beautiful

happened this afternoon.

I’m not even going to say fuck in this post.

We went to the graveyard to see where my husband’s grandpa and grandma are buried.

We have never ever been there before. My children and I have never even been in this state.

M.O.M. and Auntie were having a rough time and couldn’t locate the spot they are buried in. They were actually starting to walk the wrong way.

My 5 year old daughter took off in the other direction and went about 20 or 30 feet? I’m not sure. My depth perception sucks…

She went to a grave and yelled Here they are!

Sure as shit.

That’s where they were buried.

Was there someone guiding my daughter to that spot?

I’d like to think so.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Me: Come Here So I Can

wipe the ketchup off your face.

Him: Why?

Me: I’m not going to let you guys get on the plain looking like trailer trash.

Him: You did last time.

Okay. Maybe I did. I can be guilty of not carrying something around to wipe my kids’ faces off after they smear about 3/10’s of their meal all over their face.

I HATE to carry a purse. I really, really fucking hate to carry a purse.


Because I am one of the most absent minded people you will ever meet. I lose shit all the time. I forget I have things.

I will set that shit down and forget I ever had it.

One year I bought a jacket. It was a nice jacket too. I wore it to school one blustery winter day. I hung it on the back of my chair during class.

A few days later I was looking for the jacket because it was snowing or some shit.

I could NOT find that jacket anywhere.

Yep. I left that fucker on the back of my chair and didn’t notice for days that it was gone.

What does this have to do with messy faces and my kids looking like trailer trash?

I have no fucking clue.

I didn’t sleep last night and I haven’t pooped in over 2 days.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Yes. Sharpie Permanent Marker Does

come out of your carpet.

We had my son using Goo Gone and Goof Off. While these are both equally great products, neither of them does a fucking thing for taking Sharpie markers out of carpet.

But we had to make that little shit pay for drawing all over his carpet. We made him try to clean it for a while.

What did take the marker out of my carpet?

A Little Bissell Green Machine, plain old H2O and some good ol’ elbow grease.


My husband was able to get ALL of that fucking black marker out of my carpet.

He’s good for something.


P.S. I’m not exactly sure what my son meant when he said he wouldn’t treat his kids the way we treat him. We do not beat him. He very RARELY gets a spanking (you know, except for when he’s doing shit like I mentioned in the last post. And yes. He’s done every single one of them and more). He is a sensitive soul.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

My Son Told Me That When

he is older and has kids he will never treat them like I treat him.

To which I replied:

If you didn’t:

start the carpet on fire, cut your sister’s hair, draw on my walls, carve into my coffee table, cut open my brand new loveseat, jump off the back of my couch so many times it breaks, pee on my floors, draw hopscotch on my carpet with a black sharpie, shit down my floor heat vent and then try to blame it on the dog, or spray paint my T.V

then I wouldn’t treat you like I do either.


And yes, this is my picture. I’ve heard it was being forwarded in one of those e-mail about how “bad” boys are. But. Yep. It’s MY bad boy.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010




Monday, May 24, 2010

I LOVE Summer. Really.


Friday, May 21, 2010

100ish Things About Me

If you care. And I may have repeated myself. I’m not about to proof read, so proceed at your own caution.

  1. I hate it when my ice cubes stick together in my glass.
  2. I only use the tops of my first three toes on the accelerator.
  3. Don’t worry, I use my whole foot for the brake.
  4. I LOVE to sing.
  5. Unfortunately, I can’t carry a tune in a bucket.
  6. Even if you helped me carry it.
  7. I would totally do Sandra Bullock.
  8. Rob Thomas said Fuck.
  9. To me.
  10. I am going to school to be a Registered Nurse.
  11. Don’t worry, I won’t say fuck to all of my patients.
  12. Just the ones that piss me off.
  13. I love the beach.
  14. The real beach, not a lake.
  15. But I live next to a mountain.
  16. I love gyros.
  17. I could eat them every day.
  18. And that is pronounced like “Euro” not like gyro(scope).
  19. It really bothers me when people don’t pronounce gyro correctly.
  20. I love math.
  21. Especially algebra.
  22. I love ice cream even more than gyros.
  23. If I could live off of ice cream for the rest of my life…I would.
  24. I love to tell people to Shut Up.
  25. I get pissed off if people tell me to Shut Up.
  26. I am a reality TV junkie.
  27. Seriously. I’m totally hooked on the shit.
  28. I love to read.
  29. Especially in the bath room.
  30. I love the word Fuck.
  31. Almost as much as I LOVE my new camera.
  32. I hate to use the phone.
  33. But people insist on calling me anyway.
  34. I love dogs.
  35. I have 3 of them.
  36. Two are yellow Labrador Retrievers.
  37. One is a black Lab mix.
  38. I am a night owl.
  39. It’s very hard for me to fall asleep at night.
  40. But I could sleep all day if people would let me.
  41. My favorite sports team in the word is the Packers
  42. Because I grew up in Weescansin.
  43. Yes, I’m a Cheese Head.
  44. And I really LOVE cheese.
  45. Almost any cheese.
  46. Except Blue cheese.
  47. I don’t like that cheese for sure.
  48. I talk like a Yankee
  49. Even though I’ve lived in Colorado for the last 12 years.
  50. People still make fun of me for that.
  51. Still.
  52. I’m 28 for the 5th year in a row.
  53. That means I’m 32 for those of you who are mathematically challenged.
  54. I think farts are funny.
  55. I play the violin.
  56. Well, I would if I had one.
  57. I love bowling.
  58. I’ve done it since 4th grade.
  59. Did I mention Rob Thomas said Fuck?
  60. To me?
  61. I thought it would be easy to think of 100 things.
  62. It’s not.
  63. Even though I’ve been working on this shit for DAYYYS…
  64. I hate cats.
  65. I try to like them.
  66. But I just can’t.
  67. Plus I’m allergic to the little fuckers.
  68. I would love to run a marathon.
  69. It looks more and more unlikely that I will accomplish that goal.
  70. I have 3 kids.
  71. I do not like skinny carrots.
  72. Sadly, that is not a euphemism.
  73. My mom says I’m the meanest person she knows.
  74. I drive a Corolla.
  75. My favorite band is Matchbox Twenty.
  76. And Sublime.
  77. Do they even call them bands anymore?
  78. I had Lasik done about 5 months ago.
  79. I would do it again in a heartbeat.
  80. I had one farsighted eye.
  81. And one nearsighted.
  82. Yes, I am completely fucked up.
  83. I can’t help it.
  84. I love to walk.
  85. I love to sing in the car.
  86. Loud.
  87. I’m sure you would laugh at me if you saw me.
  88. Ask my kids….
  89. I love to sleep.
  90. I love to wear tank tops.
  91. I wouldn’t wear shoes.
  92. But society makes me.
  93. I pee in the shower.
  94. Julie says this is okay.
  95. This post took me over a month to write.
  96. It’s hard to think of shit you might be interested in reading about me.
  97. I’m sure you’re not interested in 99.9% of what I wrote.
  98. I love my readers.
  99. You make me laugh.
  100. It’s exactly what I need.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Music Monday ~Waiting For My Ruca~ Sublime

Guess who’s going to the Sublime concert tonight….

That’s right…


I am so excited. This is an opportunity I thought I’d never have.

I’m sad that they have a new lead singer, but I guess that was unevitable.

From what I see on YouTube, Rome does an awesome job being the lead. He has some pretty motherfucking HUGE shoes to fill.

This is one of my most FAVORITE songs they sing.

My favorite part is when he sings, “Ramona, please step back..BOP! BOP!”

I’m weird. I know. I can’t help it. It’s why you love me.

I’m pretty fucking tired…had my sleepy time pills…so sorry such a shitty post.

I love you guys!!

Songwriters: Gaugh, F; Wilson, E; Nowell, Bradley James

Waiting for my Ruca

"punk rock changed our lives."
(dog barking)
good boy, good boy, good boy
on the east side
that's where i met
my ramona
i wanna go to a party
that's what she said
that's what i've been
here's my telephone number call me
and to a party a house party
whole loop-a people just rally 'round me
and love
she send a message of love
she said
i love up the way you move
i love the way you rap
bo bo!
ramona please step back
now she's my ruca
i'm barely waiting for my heina
she moved from long beach down to l.a.
right now she's selling oranges by the freeway
i wanna know
ramona am i the only one, tell me
and she said
you're not the only one but you're the best bradley
bo bo!
and now i'm waiting for my ruca
and i barely pulled up with my heina
i know tonight i'll be behind her
don't fuck around with my heina

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Me: Did I Tell You Rob Thomas Tweeted

the word Fuck to me?

Her: Wasn’t that your boyfriend in 7th grade?

Me: …..

(Ohhhhh, I could only wish. I could only wish…)

unWordless Wednesday

Easter2010 079

When my husband saw this whatchamacallit of Fire Sauce at Taco Bell, he knew it was made for me.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Motherfucking Em

I would to start of by saying Em scared me. I always get nervous when I see a new person commenting on my blog.

I realize my blog isn’t for everyone, but I still don’t like people who say mean shit.

It just ain’t right.

My cheekbone still hurts from when I hit that fucker with my car door.

Sorry folks, no bruising.

I am just as disappointed as all you jackass shit fucks out there who were hoping for a bruise.

I really wanted to get a picture of that shit and post it for you.

Ask my husband. I must have looked in the mirror 692 times, at least. And I asked him if there was a bruise like a million times.

He just kept rolling his eyes, telling me that I couldn’t will a bruise to come out of my face.

He was right.

I’m really just kidding when I call you all a bunch of jackass shit fucks.

I really love you. Really. I’m just trying to get those fucks in wherever I can.

That seemed like good a place as any.

I'm tired, and that last sentence may not make sense to everyone.

But fuck it. That’s really how I talk.

Another funny for all my beautiful stalkers.

A day or two after I hit my cheekbone on the motherfucking car door, I was leaning in to buckle my daughtry up.

And smacked the shit out of my forehead. Leaned right in to that one like a total asshole.

Once again, I hate to disappoint ya’ll, but no bruises.

Just #PAIN!!

Oh the #PAIN!!

Wanking Bollocks.

Whatever the fuck that means.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Music Monday ~Don’t Stop Believing~ Journey

I’d like to dedicate this song to Robin, or footy and his mum Jane, or waxy, as I like to call her.

This song is by special request by footy for both him and his mum.

Jane, I sure hope you’re feeling better. We sure miss you when you’re not online. Take care and get well. We’ll be patiently waiting for you.

I would also like to apologize to some for not using the f word. I promised I wouldn’t use it on just the ONE post.

It’s hard to write and not say THAT word, which is my most favorite of words.

I think I’m going to break into a sweat.

Guess I’ll have to write tomorrow so I can get all those pent up f words out.


Wednesday, April 14, 2010

I Don’t Have A Picture

for unWorldless Wednesday today.

I only have some words of wisdom.

If you drop something before you get in your care, please, PLEASE do not try to pick up said object while you are opening your car door.

You will hit your face really fucking hard on the corner of your car door.

And it will fucking hurt.


Tuesday, March 30, 2010

What Pisses Me Off

When pedestrians mosey across the motherfucking parking lot or the motherfucking road as slow as they motherfucking can.

Pretending like you don’t see me.

I know damn well you can see me.

You’re lucky I don’t give you a “push.”


Monday, March 29, 2010

Music Monday ~Whataya Want From Me~ Adam Lambert

First, I would love to say, thank you, thank you, thank you, to those of you who wrote in with kind words yesterday.

It means so much more than I would ever be able to express.

I picked this song because some of the lyrics touch my heart.

I think I say that about most of the songs I put up on here. I can’t help it, music speaks to my soul like nothing else can.

The line that speaks to me most in this song is the obvious one:

Whataya want from me?

I can only be who I am.

I can not change.

I do not want to change.

Whataya want from me?

Sunday, March 28, 2010

If You Do Not Like My Blog

or my profanity, I think that’s okay. Then don’t visit my blog. I think that’s okay too.

I realize my blog isn’t for everyone. I have a very odd sense of humor.

I mean, who thinks it’s funny when their friend makes a cookie shaped like a cross with the word fuck on it?

I do.

You can thank my mother for that.

What I am going to say next, I think is true for anyone following a blog they may not like, or a blog they fell out of love with, etc.

If you no longer care for a blog or do not want to read it any long, you really do not have to put in a little dig to that blog owner before you leave. You can leave quietly. That blog owner may or may not notice your absence, but that is okay.

This is an e-mail I received regarding my last post:

“I will not be visiting your site anymore. Your profanity is too much for me. It only shows that you're in a lot of pain. But as long as we live this life, we will be hurt in some shape of form. But you can overcome it and be better than it.

Blogs should entertain, encourage, educate and hopefully inspire. Your site does none of this for me. In my opinion, it only shows a young woman who lives with a lot of pain. There's nothing cute or hip about your constant profanity. There was a time in my life when I did something similar. Profanity was my crutch. I'm glad to say, I'm no longer that person.

I hope you find your peace and all of the joy that comes with it. May you have many miracles and blessings that will change your outlook.”

Oh the PAIN!! I am feeling right now. But only because she felt she had to let me know she is better than me before she moves on.

I don’t think she, or any one else for that matter, is better than me because they do not cuss.

“Profanity” is not my crutch. My doctor is awesome and prescribes some good shit. I don’t really need any other crutch.

If anyone else feels as if they no longer want to read or visit my blog, that’s fine.

Please, just leave quietly.

I don’t give a fuck if you stay or go.

On Sunday, No Less

Happy Motherfucking Easter. Love ya’ll.

Easter 001

Friday, March 26, 2010

Friday Music

Okay, wait. That doesn’t make a lick of sense.

That’s me.

A couple people have asked me who Rob Thomas is.

And after I died from shock and picked myself up off the floor, I thought a blog post would be the easiest way to explain.


Rob Thomas was first in the band Tabitha’s Secret.

Then he was the lead singer for Matchbox Twenty. Still is, I think.

He also launched a solo career in 2005.

Although I do love, love, LOVE Rob Thomas and Matchbox Twenty, I’m not a complete stalker, so really, I do not know everything. Or anything. About the bands or him.

He is awesome to follow on twitter.

Also on facebook. But he looks really mad in that picture.

Here is his biography on his website.

I just love his music, especially the music made with Matchbox Twenty. It speaks to my soul. It’s just real.

Here is one of my favorite songs by Matchbox Twenty. You’ll have to click the link and listen to it on YouTube. Embedding is disabled.

The picture was taken from the Wikipedia Website.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Where Rob Thomas Said Fuck. To Me.

See down there. Way down there in the bottom left hand corner?

Yes. Rob Thomas said Fuck. To me.


Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Wordless Wednesday





Monday, March 22, 2010

Music Monday ~Lovefool~ The Cardigans

I fell in love with this song when I heard it on the movie Romeo and Juliet. Ya know, the one that came out in 1996 starring Claire Danes and…shit, I can never remember his name…hang on…Leonardo DiCaprio…yes, that’s it!! Folks, I an google the shit out of anything.

Nothing but the most refined and cultured movies for me.

I love this song. I think almost everyone has loved or longed after someone, whether it be just a little, or maybe a whole lot, and the other person hasn’t reciprocated (OH SHIT, she’s using BIG words!!) the feelings.

That’s what this song means to me.

And the motherfucking neighbors dogs just started barking. What the hell? It’s midnight and those little assholes are barking up a motherfucking storm. One of my biggest pet peeves. I don’t give a shit if the dogs bark during the day, but why let them stay outside all night barking? It just ain’t right people.

On another side note, I found a recipe through Em for banana oat muffins. OHMYGODARETHESEGOOD!! Meg, please note that I did not say fuck in the same sentence as God. Ah, shit. I screwed that one up.

Anyways I made my with brown sugar instead of white sugar. Wait. That sounds racist. I mean granulated sugar. Only because I can’t remember to put granulated sugar on the list so I’ll remember to buy it. And I only used egg whites instead of whole eggs. My cholesterol is high as a motherfucking kite. I’m quite jealous, actually.

Okay, sorry, sorry. I love to talk. I can’t help it. This is supposed to be about the music and all I can do is sit her and talk about stupid shit. And blaspheme God. And sound like I’m being a racist. I’m totally not.

I love you guys!

Here’s the video (if you’ve made it this far, through all of my dribble).

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Saturday 9

Welcome to Saturday: 9. What we've committed to our readers is that we will post 9 questions every Saturday. Sometimes the post will have a theme, and at other times the questions will be totally unrelated. Those weeks we do "random questions," so-to-speak. We encourage you to visit other participants posts and leave a comment. Because we don't have any rules, it is your choice. We hate rules. We love memes, however, and here is today's meme!

Saturday 9: Just One Look

1. How vein are you about how you look?

Way too much so.

2. When you were little what was your favorite TV show?

The Wonder Years, Doogie Howser, Life Goes On, Family Ties, Full House, Growing Pains, Highway to Heaven, Who’s the Boss, Unsolved Mysteries, ER. I'm sure there were a lot more. We watched a lot of TV once it got cool in the evening. We had our favorite shows every night of the week.

3. If someone was going to make a movie or TV show about your life, who would play you and why?

Sandra Bullock. I have a lot of the same mannerisms as her. When I was skinny, a lot of people thought I looked like her. I think her personality is a lot like mine.

4. Who is your favorite Major League Baseball team? How about your favorite player?

I would have to say the Brewers. Only because I’m from Wisconsin. I have no idea who actually plays on the team.

5. What is your favorite baseball-related movie?

Oh shit, what was that one with Tom Hanks?

6. What is one lesson you have learned in the past year?

That if I actually blog on a regular basis and say Fuck a lot, people will like me.

7. Tell us about one of your childhood memories.

Ummmm…..I’ve tried my damndest to repress my childhood.

8. How do you handle sticky situations? Do you have a method? If so, what is it?

I just have to be honest. It sucks balls and sometimes it’s really hard, but that’s all I can really do.

9. Do you think people talk about you behind your back?

Oh yeah. I’m fucked up and totally weird. They pretty much have to talk behind my back. And that’s okay because I talk about them behind their back too. Only I’m meaner and say fuck a lot.

I found this meme here. One of my favorite blogs.

Thanks so much for joining us again at Saturday: 9. As always, feel free to come back, see who has participated and comment on their posts. In fact sometimes, if you want to read & comment on everyone's responses, you might want to check back again tomorrow. But it is not a rule. We haven’t any rules here. Join us on next Saturday for another version of Saturday: 9, "Just A Silly Meme on a Saturday!" Enjoy your weekend!

Yes, I realize this is actually Sunday. And I’m late. I can’t help it.

So just shut up and visit Sam and Melissa.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Yesterday It Was Over 70 Degrees.

Today it is snowing.



Thursday, March 18, 2010

A Big, Gigantic Thank You To AT&T

motorola-karma-black-97x160 (1)

I just have to give at&t tons and tons of kudos.

I have had my cell phone service through at&t for what seems like forever, but really it’s only been 5 years.

My contract expires in August and I was seriously thinking of finding a new provider. My phone sucks and I can get a better deal at a couple of other places.

The phone I have right now, which is just a plain old flip phone decided it was going to break. It still works, but the front cover piece keeps falling off exposing the guts of the phone. Who knows how long that shit is going to last?

Probably not long. That’s my guess.

I am not due for an upgrade on my phone till next month.

Tonight I called at&t’s customer service to see what they could do for me.

I was able to get a brand-spanking-new Motorola Karma for free. I was also able to get unlimited text messaging for just 5 bucks more than what I’m paying right now. I was only getting 200 text messages before.

Once again, thank you at&t. I appreciate you giving me a break.

P.S. This was not a paid post. I wish it were.

P.P.S. The picture was taken from

P.P.P.S. I’m sorry to disappoint. I didn’t use the word fuck once in this post. I know you all expect to find it here.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

unWordless Wednesday


What a Leprechaun Trap looks like in my home.

My 7 year old was so excited he asked me to put a picture up on my blog. I thought it was a fitting picture for St. motherfucking Patrick’s Day. I’ll let you know if he catches anything.

And my daughter is acting like it’s going to be motherfucking Christmas.

I think I heard When we wake up it’s going to be Patrick’s Day!!! about 248 times this afternoon.

I’m afraid she is going to be sorely disappointed.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Dear Drivers,

If the motherfucking light is green you don’t have to motherfucking stop. Even better, you don’t even have to motherfucking slow down.

And I totally mean all this. I’m not even saying to try to trick you into getting your fucking ass run over because you’re so goddamn stupid.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Music Monday ~Cry Little Sister~ G Tom Mac – My Small Tribute To Corey Haim

I realize this video doesn’t show much of Corey Haim.

What the fuck?

Anyway, this is the theme song to The Lost Boys (just in case you didn’t know). This is my favorite movie that he acted in.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

I Was Going To Ask

pi_day_pie why the fuck it is Pi day and who comes up with this shit, but then I did a little research.

Turns out it’s Pi day because it is 3.14 (March 14).

But seriously, who has the time to come up with shit like this? There is even a website called Who takes the time and money to keep that site going?

I mean, really?

The site says “Pi is an irrational and transcendental number meaning it will continue infinitely without repeating.”

Why do we care about a number that is irrational and transcendental?

It wounds like there is not hope for that number.

Maybe we should worry about other numbers. Like 21 or 19 (my personal favs).

And for the record, I was hoping it was actually pie day.

Don’t we all love some pie?

I’m not exactly sure where the photo comes from, but I found it at this blog: A Slice of Life. She says she’s not sure where it originated, either.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

What? What Are Those Things In

DSC_0288 picture?

My tickets to go see SUBLIME!!!

They are coming to Denver on April 26. My friend and I are going.

Woooooo Hoooooo!!!

The next thing I’d like to point out is the fact that when I google the words motherfucker or motherfucking, my blog isn’t on the first page. Or the second. Or like the first ten pages, as far as I can see.

That is extremely disappointing.

Especially since if you google things like

Really? blog is either listed first or second.

And although these are nice searches, I would really love to be first for such words as:

  • piss ass
  • motherfucker
  • motherfucking
  • for shit sakes
  • for fuck sakes
  • what the fuck

It’s what I aspire to. I’m looking forward to doing great things with my life.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Dear Dog Lovers:

Just because you love your dog and it’s tiny and you think  your dog is cute really doesn’t give you the right to bring your dog into a place of business where it is against the rules and/or law.

It doesn’t even matter if that little fucker is just so well-behaved.

Here’s the thing.

My dog is cute. Really cute. I don’t just think she’s cute. She is. Only, she’s not tiny. And although she’s very well-behaved (except when she insists on sleeping on the couch when she thinks no one is looking) she will eat your dog for lunch.

And I will let her.

Just because you think you’re special and do not have to follow the rules.


Please notice the look in Goldie’s eyes. I’m dangling an ugly, little mutt in front of her. (Not really. It’s just a Frisbee. Unfortunately no ugly little mutts were harmed while making this blog). Doesn’t she look hungry?


Sorry the picture is so crappy. It’s from my old, old camera and I had to download it from facebook. Because I don’t have any pictures on my laptop. Because I suck.

And I sort of (but not really) want to apologize for all the shit (haha) that was going on on my blog yesterday.

That’s what you get for giving me such shit (haha) about my Wordless Wednesdays being…well…unWordless.

And it was really, really hard to be wordless yesterday. Shit is always a great thing to talk about. It’s funny.

Now you know how truly fucked up my mind really is. :o)

And I know I spelt spelled wrong the other day. Thank you to Kelly for pointing that out for me. Please notice the sarcasm dripping off my words. And don’t worry, I didn’t scream too loud.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Wordless Wednesday. Really.




Tuesday, March 9, 2010

My Kids Are Going To Be Scholars

True story.

Her: Mom, how do you spell chicken nuggets?

Me: C H I C K E N N U G G E T S

Her: I can spell poop.

Me: Oh yeah?

Her: P O O P

I guess her going to preschool is beneficial after all.

No only can she spell poop, she can be a Little Tea Pot.


Monday, March 8, 2010

Music Monday ~Unwell~ Matchbox Twenty

Have you missed me?

I know I’ve been a shitty blogger lately. I kind of have an excuse?

I have been having a TON of anxiety lately, which is causing me to get next to no sleep, which in turn causes me to barely function.

I’ve been trying to get around to everyone’s blog. I make it every day, and I usually don’t comment, but I’m there.

I thought this song was rather fitting for how I’m feeling right now.

I LOVE you guys!!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Wordless Wednesday

I know. I know. But better late than never, right? Right?

Thanks Em, for guilting me into it.

On a side note, Windows Live Writer is telling me that “guilting” is either not a word or that I spelt (haha) it wrong. is assuring that guilting is, in deed, a word and that I spelt (haha) it correctly.

But I’m paranoid and I think it might be lying to me.

I’m also paranoid you won’t get my joke up there.

And if anyone leaves me a comment saying I spelt “spelt” incorrectly…well…I’m going to scream. Just saying.


This is a picture I took right after I got my new camera. That I haven’t mentioned I LOVE lately. We went to the Pueblo Reservoir so I could take some pictures. It was pretty much a bust though. See those clouds? Even worse ones were on their way, along with snow. It was fucking cold. I lasted for about 1 minute and 37 seconds before I went back to the car.

I would love to hike around and camp here. Anyone want to come with? Ya know, when it’s not snowing?

And I’m not sure if I’ve put this picture up and I’m just to damn lazy to check now. So tough shit if I did.

You’ll live.

I’m sure.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Music Monday ~Here’s To The Night~ Eve 6

The info section on Youtube for this video says this:

“The five lucky winners of an MTV-sponsored contest videotape a week of their lives to contribute footage to the official fan version of Eve 6's hit single.”

After watching the video, I have to say that although the girls screaming and all the extra noise is fucking annoying, this video is just real.

It speaks to me.

How can this video not bring you back to the younger days? Days with less or no responsibility? No kids. A job that probably didn’t matter whether you lost it or not. No mortgages. Good friends and good times.

That’s what this video does for me. It reminds me of when I was practically homeless, but didn’t really give a shit because I had some of the best friends in the world and we had good times. No drugs. Sometimes alcohol. But always there for each other in a way that I don’t think I’ll ever find again.

So denied, so I lied
Are you the now or never kind?
In a day and a day love
I'm gonna be gone for good again

Are you willing to be had?
Are you cool with just tonight?
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon

Put your name on the line
Along with place and time
Want to stay, not to go, I want to ditch the logical
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon

All my time is froze in motion
Can't I stay an hour or two or more
Don't let me let you go

Don't let me let you go

Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye, tomorrow's gonna come too soon

Too soon

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Thank You To Michele From

gardenofthegods_074 Southern City Mysteries. This post is a long time coming.

A little while back I found Michele’s blog Southern City Mysteries. I can’t remember exactly how I found it.

This is a really a great blog. The title is pretty much self explanatory. If you love reading and you love reading mysteries, this blog is for YOU.

I became a follower of her blog. I lucked out and was one of a few who followed right around the point where she hit her 100 follower mark.

I was LUCKY and won a $15 gift certificate from


I’ve been wanting this book written by Heather B. Armstrong from FOREVER.

Thanks to Michele, I finally got it.

I read it. It’s great. If you love Dooce, you will love this book.

However, it pretty much sticks to the stuff I’ve already read on her blog from back when she was pregnant with her first child. There are a few additions, but it’s pretty much the same.

I highly recommend the book if you haven’t read those posts from her blog or you are a die-hard fan of Like me.

Thanks again, Michele!! You’re AWESOME!

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Since I Am So, So, Very Smart

I just wanted to make sure you all knew that you CANNOT. I repeat, CANNOT use a Target gift card to enter a military installation.

Not only that, but you won’t be able to use that Target gift card to drink beer at an awesome micro-brewery in the heart of downtown Colorado Springs.

How do I know this?

How do you think.

I bet the look on my face was PRICELESS when I pulled that fucking gift card out of my back pocket.

I blame my husband for putting it on top of my license. It certainly COULDN’T have been MY fault.

So, the next time you need to enter Fort Carson or you want to drink some beer with your dinner, please make sure you are paying attention and grab your state issued ID. Not your Target gift card.

I’m just sayin’.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Okay People, I Have

no frickin’ clue how I got the damn salad dressing on my forehead.

Furthermore, I have no idea why the therapist didn’t tell me that shit was on my forehead. Maybe it was because I was a quivering mass of snivels and tears that day.

I’ll never know.

What’s worse is later on that night I went to McDonald’s with barbecue sauce on my cheek.

Yes. Barbecue. Sauce. On. My. Cheek.

Like, hey, this fat bitch is ordering five McDoubles, but I know she just ate an ass load rack of ribs.

But only because my husband told me there was nothing on my face.

I am so motherfucking cool.

Yes. I still say cool.

For the record, I did not eat an ass load of ribs. I ate three. Minus the one that was stuck on my cheek. And I only ate one motherfucking  McDouble.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

I Totally Had An Entirely Different

saladdressing post for today.

But I just went into my bathroom and noticed salad dressing. On my forehead.

Yes. Salad. Dressing. On. My. Forehead.

Which means that I spent an entire hour with my therapist. With. Salad. Dressing. On. My. Forehead.

As if she didn’t think I was screwed up enough.

I’m sure the salad dressing screamed nothing but Yeah, you thought she was crazy. But REALLY she is a total motherfucking nut job. Not just a little crazy like you thought before.


I mean, who walks around with RED salad dressing on their forehead. Without knowing it.

Now, where did I put the rest of that beer? And can someone find me a motherfucking washcloth?

Photo from

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Wordless Wednesday

I got this shot at Garden of the Gods.

Men, are you jealous?


Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I Am A Pen Whore

Yes. You read that right.

I LOVE pens. Almost as much as I LOVE my new camera.

If I am around, you better keep your pens close. I have no mercy and I will take any pen left unattended. That’s not entirely true. But mostly.

I used to purchase pens off the internet. Like, a lot of them. Like, call an interventionist and send me to rehab. Like, my husband threatened divorce numerous times because I was buying so many pens.

Some of the pens didn’t even work. And I knew that before I paid for them.

When I used to work outside of the home, every so often I would have to return handfuls of pens to my workplace. Handfuls. I shit you not.

Not too long ago I received a wonderful pen in the mail. Actually it was 2 pens. 2 pens!! Heaven!

Nanny Goats In Panties sent me 2! awesome Nanny Goats in Panties Pens.

I LOVE these pens! So pop on over to Nanny Goats in Panties and tell her I say hi.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!


Monday, February 22, 2010

Music Monday ~What I Got~ Sublime

There were other videos that were better, but they were all edited.

If I had chosen the other videos you wouldn’t have been able to hear phrases such as:

  • get high
  • motherfucking
  • mom smokes pot
  • goes right to the rock
  • fuck it and fight it

And that would have been a damn shame. We all know you live for words like that when you come to read this blog.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

I Just Want To Point Out

that as of right now I have 69 followers.

And that makes me want to giggle uncontrollably.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Birthday Wishes & The Best Place To Write

I would like to say thank you for all of the birthday wishes. I appreciate it more than you will ever know. Each and everyone of you helped to make my day. Every time I read a comment I sat and giggled like a little school girl.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

I would also like to make sure you know exactly how old I am. Many people are confused when I say I’m 28 for the 5th year in a row. No. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32. Only (only! haha!!) 32. Not 33.

With that being said, where is your favorite place to write?

I have 2 main places that are they best for me. The 1st is when I’m falling asleep. I swear this is where I do my best brainstorming and have the best thoughts come together for this blog. Some of the thing I think of are pure magic. I can’t wait to get up the next day and write the greatest, funniest post ever.

Unfortunately, I then fall asleep and forget every little, juicy morsel I cooked up to post. It doesn’t help that I take a pill to forget nightmares either. This blog isn’t exactly a nightmare, but it makes everything so damn hard to remember!!

Thank goodness I have a next best place. I come up with a lot of great ideas here, too. I’m almost embarrassed to tell you where it is. Almost. I hope you’re able to get a little bit of inspiration from my 2nd favorite place to write.

And maybe a god laugh.

The bathroom.

I swear to god this is one of the best places to come up with shit (no pun intended) to put on a blog.

Previously, this hasn’t been the most convenient places to write. All I had to write down my ideas was a pen and a notebook.

For my birthday, my husband bought me a laptop. It’s nothing too fancy, but it has everything I need to write and study for school.

Now I can use my wireless internet right from my throne.

Now if I can only figure out how to fit a desk in there.

And a refrigerator.

And a T.V.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Today Is My Birthday

I am 28 years old. For the 5th year in a row. Suck it bitches, I’m not getting any older.

Here are some uber fun birthday facts. Just for you.

  • I was born on a Sunday.
  • My birth flower is the Iris, which I never really knew, but find it fitting since the purple Iris is my favorite flower.
  • I am a cusp, which is the imaginary line that separates a pair of consecutive astrological signs.
  • That means I am either Pisces or Aquarius, depending on what horoscope you are reading. So I can be what I want.
  • People say that makes me sound like a Pisces, which is generally the one that fits me best.
  • The #1 song was Stayin’ Alive by The Bee Gees.
  • The #1 movie was Saturday Night Fever.
  • Melissa was the 2nd most popular girl’s name in 1978 (according to the Social Security Administration).
  • There were 3 Melissa Sue’s in my graduating class of just over 300.
  • Jimmy Carter was president.
  • The average cost of a new house was $54,800.00.
  • You could buy a gallon of gas for 63 cents.
  • I was trying to work on this to make it super good, but the fact is
  • I just don’t give a shit right now.
  • I have been sick for a week and should probably make my way to the doctor’s office so I can get some antibiotics.
  • You should see the pretty colors that are coming out of my nose.
  • And damn if my top row of teeth don’t feel like they’re going to fall out.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

How To Make The Tree Look Taller

Men, you might want to pay attention and take note.

Women, you might even discover a tip or two.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Wordless Wednesday


Yes. The bitch is totally on the couch where she doesn’t belong.

Yes. She is on my side, on one of my pillows.

Yes. She is turning her head away from me, so she can ignore me and NOT have to get off the couch.

Yes. There is dog fur all over the couch, even though said mutts are not allowed on the couch.

Yes. That little spot to the left of the couch on the carpeting was chewed off by one of the other dogs, Bogey.

Does that make him a carpet muncher?

Yes. Forget I ever said that. Especially in reference to a dog.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Dear Drivers,

If we are both at an intersection, and you wait more than 5 seconds to take your turn, I will take it for you (if my turn is the one after yours).

I don’t have all goddamn night to make it to McDonald’s with 3 noisy kids in the car.

There’s your fair warning.

And I don’t give a shit if you honk at me. Save your reflexes for actually putting your foot on the motherfucking gas pedal when it’s time.

Two New Blog Awards

award-honestscrap3This award comes from Lori over at Random Ramblings of a SAHM. I love her blog. She’s funny and fresh. I think it’s funny too, that the first name of my blog was Ramblings of a SAHM. Too bad me and her can’t be friends. She’s tiny.

I’m supposed to share 10 random facts about me. Lucky you.

  1. I grew up in Weescansin. Land of the cheese, beer and milk. No, I don’t believe happy cows come from California.
  2. I was in the U.S. Army.
  3. I’ve started college 6 times, but have never actually finished. Yet.
  4. I hate the word “hubby.” It makes my skin crawl.
  5. My mom says I am the meanest person she knows.
  6. I met my husband on Valentine’s Day of 1998. Sometimes it feels like yesterday, sometimes like forever ago. Either way is good.
  7. I hate talking on the phone.
  8. I hate Sunday’s because mail isn’t delivered.
  9. I’ve bowled on a league since I was in 4th grade.
  10. I played the violin from 4th grade to 12th, and would still play if I could afford to buy one.
  11. I never proof read what I write. Shame on me. Yes, that’s 11, but I just had to throw that one in. It will help to explain my bad grammar and mistakes. A little.

sunshineblogaward This award actually comes from 2 good people.

1st, from Enguardia’s Journal. I’m assuming her name is Enguardia, but I can’t be completely sure. After all, it is an anonymous blog. She’s really funny too and writes some crazy shit like I do.

2ndly from Melissa from Sugar Filled Emotions. She writes a lot about depression and some other health issues. I love how honest she is. Right now she is re-posting her series she calls The Scariest Time of My Life. It is a gripping story about how she ended up in a state run psychiatric hospital. A very good read.

I am not going to pass these awards on. I just tried that a couple weeks ago when I received the Happy Blog Award from Em at Emcogneato. I DID pass that award on to a couple of deserving blogs, but couldn’t pass it on to every blog I felt was deserving. Why? Mostly because I’m lazy.

And also because for the life of me I can’t remember to go and let people know I gave their blog an award. There’s only so much room in this brain, and I’m afraid most of it’s been used up.

Lastly, I would just like to say WOW. It is absolutely AMAZING what happens when you actually post to your blog. Like consistently. Really.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Music Monday ~Time Of Your Life~ Green Day

The 1st time I heard this song was shortly after I had an awesome couple of weeks with one of the best friends I ever had. I was in AIT at the time, not planning on going anywhere for the Christmas Holiday, until I was told in no uncertain terms, at the last minute, that I needed to find somewhere to go.

I called a girl I knew, but not all that well. I should have known her better. She took me in at one point when I was homeless. And bless her sweet, dear heart, she came down from North Carolina to Georgia and picked my ass up. At the last minute. And didn't even make me pay her back.

I had the best time of my life with her. Well, one of the best times. But it was a really, really good time.

When I heard this song I couldn't actually understand everything he was saying, so I kind of made up some words, and some of the words he was saying weren't what I really thought they were. It made a great damn song in my world. I am not at liberty to discuss the lyrics I thought he was belting out.

Just know I had the time of my life that Christmas. And I miss Shannon like crazy and hope she can truly and totally forgive me one day.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Shit People Leave At Carwashes

First of all, just let me say I woke up sicker than a dog. I have a fever. My throat hurts. My head hurts. The core of my very being hurts.

My request to my children this morning:

Please, please play or watch cartoons nice and quietly. I am very, very sick. We promise, we promise. So I slept till 11.

I would like to know when please play nicely became synonymous with please fuck up my entire house as much as humanly possible in the next 2 hours. Really, I’d like to know. Maybe more on that later. I might do a post about this if I can do it sanely enough without wanting to physically harm my children (for those of  you who don’t “get” me, this is a joke. Only a joke. No children will be harmed. Physically or otherwise. Hopefully.).

Anyway… Onto that list

Shit People Leave At Carwashes

  • XBox 360
  • Playstation 3
  • Strollers
  • Game Cubes
  • Buckets of quarters
  • A Vacuum that retails for about $175
  • Sony point and shoot camera…Brand new in box
  • Laptops – 3 to be exact
  • Huge CD cases full of hundreds of DVD’s and others full of CD’s
  • Trash
  • Garmin
  • Magellans
  • Cell phones – many times in working condition
  • Stereos
  • DVD players – portable and home
  • Bluetooths or would that be Blueteeth? (LOTS of these)

In addition, they vacuum up money, diamond rings, etc.

My husband is a manager at a car wash. He’s been there for a very long time, and the spoils he finds!!

This is only a partial list. Just some of the shit I could think up right off the top of my head. And of course everything is left at the carwash for weeks to see if someone will claim them. Most times they don’t.

Lesson to be learned? Make sure you look carefully to make sure you haven’t left something valuable behind or thrown it in the trash.

gardenofthegods 587

Here’s a picture of my husband while working at the carwash. People who go to this carwash are extra special and do not know how to line up for either of the 2 automatic carwashes they have. An employee has to stand there and direct traffic. Fucking epic.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Strawberry Shortcake Walleye

What the fuck?

Today was a weird day.

I wanted to go and take pictures at Cheyenne Mountain State Park. I think that’s what it’s called. It’s at least something with Cheyenne and State Park.

Regardless of what the place is called, we never made it. It started to snow. What the fuck? The weather forecast said there was a possibility of some rain. But it snowed. And the temperature dropped like 20 degrees in a matter of about 45 minutes.

So I didn’t get to go take some pictures. With my new camera. That I LOVE. I think I’m going into withdrawals.

I was able to find this lovely sign to share with you. I did a double-take. What the fuck is Strawberry Shortcake Walleye? And am I actually supposed to be HAPPY they have it back? There had to be a reasoin they go rid of it in the 1st place. Gotta love Today’s Flavor. If anyone gives this shit a try, let me know how it goes. I will have no pity on your soul. And I’ll stick with chocolate, thank you very much.

I did find a dear old friend on facebook a day or so ago. I wasn’t so sure she was going to be happy to hear from me. She did request for me to be her friend, so I guess that’s something. There’s a bit of a story behind this friendship. Not a good one, either (there are a bunch of good ones, but I’m not so sure I should repeat any of those). We had a falling out many years ago. I was pregnant with my 1st son.

I won’t say much about the fight, but I will give you all some advice:

Do not wear a bi-polarized, depressed, pregnant woman’s work shoes. Especially if she needs them to wear to her own job when you’re wearing said shoes.

This might cause her to chuck (hurl!!!!) 64 ounces of pop and ice (give or take, but mostly take) directly at your chest.

Yes. I did that. And I’m not proud.

I missed this girl terribly. I have been looking for her for YEARS. She is not an easy woman to track down. I had to use my super ninja sleuth powers to find her.

And she looks ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!! MOTHERFUCKING HAWT!! Can we all say “JEALOUS” together?

Which means I need to start working out on the damn Wii again. That shit is hard though. Or maybe I should take a walk. But it’s frickin’ freezing out! Excuses are a dime a dozen in this house, let me tell you.

I needed to buy a new pair of jeans. I am not skinny (by any means or stretch of the imagination), so this can be a monumental motherfucking task. I decided to go to Lane Bryant (after trying 3 other stores that didn’t have diddly squat. I think it should be against the law to only carry jeans up to size 16. It’s bull shit). I love Lane Bryant. Such beautiful, well made clothes. But EXPENSIVE. Holy SHIT. I actually paid $69.50 for a pair of jeans. $69.50. I have never, ever in my life paid $69.50 for a pair of jeans. Let me repeat. Never, Ever. These jeans had better last a VERY long time.

I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. And it’s one more indication (like I needed any more) that I need to lose this damn weight. It would make jean buying a hell of a lot easier.

Anyway, sorry for the long ass post. I really try hard not to do that, but I’m feeling a little hyper.

Maybe it’s the iced tea.

Or maybe it’s a little bit of mania.

Friday, February 12, 2010

A Phone Conversation Between

phone me and her.

Me: Hello?

Her: Hey, how ya doin?

Me: Okay. You?

Her: Pretty good. What’s wrong? You sound funny.

Me: Oh, I’m sad cause my good friend hardly ever talks to me since she got her new boyfriend.

Her: Yeah, boys have a way of doing that to girls.

Me: I think that ----

Her: Well, my husband is calling me. I have to go.


Why the hell do I even bother?

I shit you not, this is a true story.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Kate Gosselin Is So

fucking funny! Every mom should be able to aspire to this...

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Sadly, Captain Phil Harris Of The Cornelia Marie, Has Passed Away

philharris This makes me so, so sad. I know he had his vices, but he really did not deserve to die so young. No one does.

I love Deadliest Catch. I never miss an episode when it’s running.

I loved his humor. I loved his crazy-ass laugh.

RIP Captain Phil. You will be missed by many.

My thoughts and condolences go out to his family.

Wordless Wednesday


I just came across this old dandy the other day. It’s got to be about 4 years old. And for once I don’t have to say toooo much. (I tried really hard not to even say this much) This picture pretty much says it all.

Well, maybe I have to say a little more. Do you SEE how SHORT this girl’s hair is??? I want to cry.

Sad, isn’t it? (Her hair, not me)

Her brother used to cut her hair ALL THE FUCKING TIME. And if he didn’t do it, she did.

He finally quit when I told him that if he ever did it again, I was going to shave his head bald.

He didn’t believe me.

I showed him.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Music Monday ~Under The Water~ Merril Bainbridge

It would seem as if I forgot to do a Music Monday post yesterday. Not sure how. These are my favorite posts to do. I love music. I think I love music more than almost anything else.

This is another one of those songs that I loved to listen to. Like 12 or 13 years ago.

Lots of people tell me it's a weird song, but I don't think so. And anyway, not much could top what I posted last week.

Monday, February 8, 2010

I Don't Know What

the fuck is wrong with the previous post that I put up today.

I keep trying to delete that extra blank brown thingy, and then I save.

And every time I go to see what the post looks like that motherfucker is back up there.

Every. Damn. Time.

I have tried to fix it. Many times.

So fuck it.

I'm sorry, but that post just ain't gonna look pretty.

Quick! Cover Their Eyes!!

 I went to this site, typed in my url and it said this:

Thank you Ann from Ann's Snap Edit & Scrap. She has it posted on her blog.

I wasn’t exactly sure what that meant. Like am I worse than R? Better than? What?

So, I went here, and this is what it said:

NC-17: "No One 17 And Under Admitted": Originally called X, this rating is applied to films the board believes most parents will consider inappropriate for children. It indicates only that adult content is more intense than in an R movie; it does not imply any sort of obscenity. As with films rated R, the minimum age to see a NC-17 movie is 18 in some states.

It made me giggle. Just a little…

Yeah, I like the “F” word. Just a little…

I am so naughty!

Spank me! Spank me!

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Shit – I Mean Osmosis, Filtration, And Diffusion

Well, my fellow bloggers, I’d really love to give you a witty, funny, amazing post today. Really, I would.
But…it seems as if I have this little, itty-bitty lab report that I have to do. And basically sort of forgot about for 2 weeks.
It’s only on osmosis, filtration, and diffusion.  3 things I know almost nothing about. And don’t really give a shit about.
There are only:

  • 3 experiments to talk about
  • 3 graphs to make
  • 3 tables to make
  • a drawing of hemolysis (I think that’s when the blood vessels burst because they’re too full of shit) I’ll have to look it up
  • Calculate the filtrations rate
  • Some other busy work shit that they make me do
  • Even though I think it’s mostly a waste of my time
Can you tell how much I really want to do this report?
A pain in my ass.
And I actually pay them money so they can require me to do this.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
The picture on the left is hemolysis. Hypotonic means that there was less “stuff” in the cell, so then the stuff that was on the outside of the cell went to the inside of the cell, and eventually it burst.
Is that some fun stuff or what?

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Is A Woodchuck Also A Groundhog?

Closeup_groundhogIf you ask Wikipedia the answer is yes. Apparently the little sucker is also known as a whistle-pig or a land-beaver. These little facts, I was not aware of.

Yes, the ground hog was in that stupid movie with Bill Murray.

Us really smart and totally cool Americans (& the Canadians, but I truly mean no disrespect) look for this thing to come out of his burrow every February 2nd, and if he sees his shadow, that means we will have 6 more weeks of winter. If we’re lucky and that little pig-beaver-hog-chuck doesn’t see his shadow, we are supposed to get an early spring.

Like I said, the little weasel didn’t see his shadow this year.

And we’re supposed to get a winter storm tomorrow.

Up above is a REAL picture of a woodchuck. Or a ground hog. Or a whistle-pig. Or a land-beaver.

Friday, February 5, 2010

I'm Still A Little Bit

pissed off at that little weasel or whatever it was that just saw his shadow.

Who hired the little shit anyway?

That fucker must really like snow.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

I Can Always Use A Good Dose Of Happy

Happy Award Terms and Conditions:
1. Copy and paste the award on your blog.
2. List who gave the award to you and link to his/her blog.
3. List 10 things that make you happy.
4. Pass the award on to other bloggers and visit their blogs to let them know!
I received the award from Em over at Emcogneato. She’s amazing and funny. Thanks for the award Em. I can always use a pick me up. You made my day.
The list (in no particular order):

  1. Iced Tea. I love Iced Tea. A lot. Almost as much as I LOVE my new camera.
  2. Mike. He keeps me going. I don’t know what I’d do without him. What a man to be able to put up with my crazy ass for the last 11ish years. I love you!
  3. Lisa. My best friend. She’s good at telling me the things I really don’t want to hear. We can all use a good dose of reality check once in a while.
  4. Goldie. My princess dog. She’s only 5 and has slowed down so much in the last year, but she’s the most stoic dog ever. She’d do anything for me.
  5. Taking pictures. Did I ever tell you how much I LOVE my new camera?
  6. Bedtime. The kids’ bedtime that is. No explanation needed.
  7. Sleeping In. Thank you Mike for getting the kids ready in the morning and taking them to school almost every single school day.
  8. My kids when they’re happy too. They remind me to try to be a better person. I’m not always a better person, but they make me try.
  9. Reading Books. I love books. Books of almost any kind. I even love to read books over and over. There’s always a something new to discover.
  10. Ice Cream. When I was a kid I would sit up and eat a bowl of ice cream with my Grandpa Lehr every night. I miss him so very much.
  11. Sunshine. I know it was only supposed to be 10, but I’ve never been great at following rules.
I pass this on to:
There are soooo many more who deserve this award. I’m sorry I don’t have the patience to link to every blog I really love.

Melissa, As Defined By

2. melissa

Hottest girl in the known universe
likes taking it from behind
wow, you look like melissa
3. Melissa
Someone who is really blunt, but will tell you the truth, no matter what the circumstances. Someone who likes to go shopping, eat a lot, sleep and is kind of promiscuous but doesn’t care if anyone calls her a whore.  Melissa’s are cool, nice, fun, honest, kinda whoreish and a non conformist.
Guy #1: Dude! Did you make out with that girl at the party last night?
Guy#2: Hell yeah. She was pretty easy.
Guy #1: What’s her name?
Guy #2: Melissa.
Guy #1: Figures.
Guy #2: She’s cool though.
16. Melissa
When getting a hand job, the girl give a death-grip.
Girl: “Do you like this?”
Boy: “No! You’re giving me a Melissa!”
26. Melissa
A large black man’s erect cock. A box is optional.
It’s my Melissa in a box!
28. Melissa
a girl i wish i could puke on right now
melissa is a cunt!
30. melissa
A girl’s name in which the height of its popularity was in the 1980’s. The majority of females named Melissa were born with permanent sticks up their asses, and are therefore extremely uptight the majority of the time. Thereby anyone with an attitude, or literally a stick up their butt, can be described as being a Melissa. There rest of us are o.k.
Look at that Melissa with that stick up her ass! Why are you a bitch like Melissa?
30. Melissa
a worthless queer that walks around jacking off to ducks mating. this thing also creeps around and fucks girls with a strap on dildo
betty: hey did you see that queer?
josh: yeah that melissa?
I found these in the All of the entries do not really describe me, but I thought they were funny as hell.
I tried to keep everything exactly as it was printed on the UrbanDictionary site, so that’s why some things are obviously not grammatically correct or spelled wrong. Not that we really care about that here.
The picture is of me. From a long time ago. When I used to be kind of hot, and just a little bit whoreish.

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