Sunday, February 28, 2010

Thank You To Michele From

gardenofthegods_074 Southern City Mysteries. This post is a long time coming.

A little while back I found Michele’s blog Southern City Mysteries. I can’t remember exactly how I found it.

This is a really a great blog. The title is pretty much self explanatory. If you love reading and you love reading mysteries, this blog is for YOU.

I became a follower of her blog. I lucked out and was one of a few who followed right around the point where she hit her 100 follower mark.

I was LUCKY and won a $15 gift certificate from Amazon.com.

LUCKY!!

I’ve been wanting this book written by Heather B. Armstrong from Dooce.com FOREVER.

Thanks to Michele, I finally got it.

I read it. It’s great. If you love Dooce, you will love this book.

However, it pretty much sticks to the stuff I’ve already read on her blog from back when she was pregnant with her first child. There are a few additions, but it’s pretty much the same.

I highly recommend the book if you haven’t read those posts from her blog or you are a die-hard fan of Dooce.com. Like me.

Thanks again, Michele!! You’re AWESOME!

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Since I Am So, So, Very Smart

I just wanted to make sure you all knew that you CANNOT. I repeat, CANNOT use a Target gift card to enter a military installation.

Not only that, but you won’t be able to use that Target gift card to drink beer at an awesome micro-brewery in the heart of downtown Colorado Springs.

How do I know this?

How do you think.

I bet the look on my face was PRICELESS when I pulled that fucking gift card out of my back pocket.

I blame my husband for putting it on top of my license. It certainly COULDN’T have been MY fault.

So, the next time you need to enter Fort Carson or you want to drink some beer with your dinner, please make sure you are paying attention and grab your state issued ID. Not your Target gift card.

I’m just sayin’.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Okay People, I Have

no frickin’ clue how I got the damn salad dressing on my forehead.

Furthermore, I have no idea why the therapist didn’t tell me that shit was on my forehead. Maybe it was because I was a quivering mass of snivels and tears that day.

I’ll never know.

What’s worse is later on that night I went to McDonald’s with barbecue sauce on my cheek.

Yes. Barbecue. Sauce. On. My. Cheek.

Like, hey, this fat bitch is ordering five McDoubles, but I know she just ate an ass load rack of ribs.

But only because my husband told me there was nothing on my face.

I am so motherfucking cool.

Yes. I still say cool.

For the record, I did not eat an ass load of ribs. I ate three. Minus the one that was stuck on my cheek. And I only ate one motherfucking  McDouble.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

I Totally Had An Entirely Different

saladdressing post for today.

But I just went into my bathroom and noticed salad dressing. On my forehead.

Yes. Salad. Dressing. On. My. Forehead.

Which means that I spent an entire hour with my therapist. With. Salad. Dressing. On. My. Forehead.

As if she didn’t think I was screwed up enough.

I’m sure the salad dressing screamed nothing but Yeah, you thought she was crazy. But REALLY she is a total motherfucking nut job. Not just a little crazy like you thought before.

A totally INSANE, CRACKED, BATS IN THE BELFRY, LUNATIC, FUCKED UP WHACK-JOB WITH MORE THAN TWO BEERS SHORT OF HER GODDAMNED SIX PACK.

I mean, who walks around with RED salad dressing on their forehead. Without knowing it.

Now, where did I put the rest of that beer? And can someone find me a motherfucking washcloth?

Photo from Wish-bone.com

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Wordless Wednesday

I got this shot at Garden of the Gods.

Men, are you jealous?

gog2

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I Am A Pen Whore

Yes. You read that right.

I LOVE pens. Almost as much as I LOVE my new camera.

If I am around, you better keep your pens close. I have no mercy and I will take any pen left unattended. That’s not entirely true. But mostly.

I used to purchase pens off the internet. Like, a lot of them. Like, call an interventionist and send me to rehab. Like, my husband threatened divorce numerous times because I was buying so many pens.

Some of the pens didn’t even work. And I knew that before I paid for them.

When I used to work outside of the home, every so often I would have to return handfuls of pens to my workplace. Handfuls. I shit you not.

Not too long ago I received a wonderful pen in the mail. Actually it was 2 pens. 2 pens!! Heaven!

Nanny Goats In Panties sent me 2! awesome Nanny Goats in Panties Pens.

I LOVE these pens! So pop on over to Nanny Goats in Panties and tell her I say hi.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

gardenofthegods_064

Monday, February 22, 2010

Music Monday ~What I Got~ Sublime

There were other videos that were better, but they were all edited.

If I had chosen the other videos you wouldn’t have been able to hear phrases such as:

  • get high
  • motherfucking
  • mom smokes pot
  • goes right to the rock
  • fuck it and fight it

And that would have been a damn shame. We all know you live for words like that when you come to read this blog.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

I Just Want To Point Out

that as of right now I have 69 followers.

And that makes me want to giggle uncontrollably.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Birthday Wishes & The Best Place To Write

I would like to say thank you for all of the birthday wishes. I appreciate it more than you will ever know. Each and everyone of you helped to make my day. Every time I read a comment I sat and giggled like a little school girl.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

I would also like to make sure you know exactly how old I am. Many people are confused when I say I’m 28 for the 5th year in a row. No. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32. Only (only! haha!!) 32. Not 33.

With that being said, where is your favorite place to write?

I have 2 main places that are they best for me. The 1st is when I’m falling asleep. I swear this is where I do my best brainstorming and have the best thoughts come together for this blog. Some of the thing I think of are pure magic. I can’t wait to get up the next day and write the greatest, funniest post ever.

Unfortunately, I then fall asleep and forget every little, juicy morsel I cooked up to post. It doesn’t help that I take a pill to forget nightmares either. This blog isn’t exactly a nightmare, but it makes everything so damn hard to remember!!

Thank goodness I have a next best place. I come up with a lot of great ideas here, too. I’m almost embarrassed to tell you where it is. Almost. I hope you’re able to get a little bit of inspiration from my 2nd favorite place to write.

And maybe a god laugh.

The bathroom.

I swear to god this is one of the best places to come up with shit (no pun intended) to put on a blog.

Previously, this hasn’t been the most convenient places to write. All I had to write down my ideas was a pen and a notebook.

For my birthday, my husband bought me a laptop. It’s nothing too fancy, but it has everything I need to write and study for school.

Now I can use my wireless internet right from my throne.

Now if I can only figure out how to fit a desk in there.

And a refrigerator.

And a T.V.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Today Is My Birthday

I am 28 years old. For the 5th year in a row. Suck it bitches, I’m not getting any older.

Here are some uber fun birthday facts. Just for you.

  • I was born on a Sunday.
  • My birth flower is the Iris, which I never really knew, but find it fitting since the purple Iris is my favorite flower.
  • I am a cusp, which is the imaginary line that separates a pair of consecutive astrological signs.
  • That means I am either Pisces or Aquarius, depending on what horoscope you are reading. So I can be what I want.
  • People say that makes me sound like a Pisces, which is generally the one that fits me best.
  • The #1 song was Stayin’ Alive by The Bee Gees.
  • The #1 movie was Saturday Night Fever.
  • Melissa was the 2nd most popular girl’s name in 1978 (according to the Social Security Administration).
  • There were 3 Melissa Sue’s in my graduating class of just over 300.
  • Jimmy Carter was president.
  • The average cost of a new house was $54,800.00.
  • You could buy a gallon of gas for 63 cents.
  • I was trying to work on this to make it super good, but the fact is
  • I just don’t give a shit right now.
  • I have been sick for a week and should probably make my way to the doctor’s office so I can get some antibiotics.
  • You should see the pretty colors that are coming out of my nose.
  • And damn if my top row of teeth don’t feel like they’re going to fall out.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

How To Make The Tree Look Taller

Men, you might want to pay attention and take note.

Women, you might even discover a tip or two.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Wordless Wednesday

gardenofthegods_002

Yes. The bitch is totally on the couch where she doesn’t belong.

Yes. She is on my side, on one of my pillows.

Yes. She is turning her head away from me, so she can ignore me and NOT have to get off the couch.

Yes. There is dog fur all over the couch, even though said mutts are not allowed on the couch.

Yes. That little spot to the left of the couch on the carpeting was chewed off by one of the other dogs, Bogey.

Does that make him a carpet muncher?

Yes. Forget I ever said that. Especially in reference to a dog.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Dear Drivers,

If we are both at an intersection, and you wait more than 5 seconds to take your turn, I will take it for you (if my turn is the one after yours).

I don’t have all goddamn night to make it to McDonald’s with 3 noisy kids in the car.

There’s your fair warning.

And I don’t give a shit if you honk at me. Save your reflexes for actually putting your foot on the motherfucking gas pedal when it’s time.

Two New Blog Awards

award-honestscrap3This award comes from Lori over at Random Ramblings of a SAHM. I love her blog. She’s funny and fresh. I think it’s funny too, that the first name of my blog was Ramblings of a SAHM. Too bad me and her can’t be friends. She’s tiny.

I’m supposed to share 10 random facts about me. Lucky you.

  1. I grew up in Weescansin. Land of the cheese, beer and milk. No, I don’t believe happy cows come from California.
  2. I was in the U.S. Army.
  3. I’ve started college 6 times, but have never actually finished. Yet.
  4. I hate the word “hubby.” It makes my skin crawl.
  5. My mom says I am the meanest person she knows.
  6. I met my husband on Valentine’s Day of 1998. Sometimes it feels like yesterday, sometimes like forever ago. Either way is good.
  7. I hate talking on the phone.
  8. I hate Sunday’s because mail isn’t delivered.
  9. I’ve bowled on a league since I was in 4th grade.
  10. I played the violin from 4th grade to 12th, and would still play if I could afford to buy one.
  11. I never proof read what I write. Shame on me. Yes, that’s 11, but I just had to throw that one in. It will help to explain my bad grammar and mistakes. A little.

sunshineblogaward This award actually comes from 2 good people.

1st, from Enguardia’s Journal. I’m assuming her name is Enguardia, but I can’t be completely sure. After all, it is an anonymous blog. She’s really funny too and writes some crazy shit like I do.

2ndly from Melissa from Sugar Filled Emotions. She writes a lot about depression and some other health issues. I love how honest she is. Right now she is re-posting her series she calls The Scariest Time of My Life. It is a gripping story about how she ended up in a state run psychiatric hospital. A very good read.

I am not going to pass these awards on. I just tried that a couple weeks ago when I received the Happy Blog Award from Em at Emcogneato. I DID pass that award on to a couple of deserving blogs, but couldn’t pass it on to every blog I felt was deserving. Why? Mostly because I’m lazy.

And also because for the life of me I can’t remember to go and let people know I gave their blog an award. There’s only so much room in this brain, and I’m afraid most of it’s been used up.

Lastly, I would just like to say WOW. It is absolutely AMAZING what happens when you actually post to your blog. Like consistently. Really.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Music Monday ~Time Of Your Life~ Green Day

The 1st time I heard this song was shortly after I had an awesome couple of weeks with one of the best friends I ever had. I was in AIT at the time, not planning on going anywhere for the Christmas Holiday, until I was told in no uncertain terms, at the last minute, that I needed to find somewhere to go.

I called a girl I knew, but not all that well. I should have known her better. She took me in at one point when I was homeless. And bless her sweet, dear heart, she came down from North Carolina to Georgia and picked my ass up. At the last minute. And didn't even make me pay her back.

I had the best time of my life with her. Well, one of the best times. But it was a really, really good time.

When I heard this song I couldn't actually understand everything he was saying, so I kind of made up some words, and some of the words he was saying weren't what I really thought they were. It made a great damn song in my world. I am not at liberty to discuss the lyrics I thought he was belting out.

Just know I had the time of my life that Christmas. And I miss Shannon like crazy and hope she can truly and totally forgive me one day.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Shit People Leave At Carwashes

First of all, just let me say I woke up sicker than a dog. I have a fever. My throat hurts. My head hurts. The core of my very being hurts.

My request to my children this morning:

Please, please play or watch cartoons nice and quietly. I am very, very sick. We promise, we promise. So I slept till 11.

I would like to know when please play nicely became synonymous with please fuck up my entire house as much as humanly possible in the next 2 hours. Really, I’d like to know. Maybe more on that later. I might do a post about this if I can do it sanely enough without wanting to physically harm my children (for those of  you who don’t “get” me, this is a joke. Only a joke. No children will be harmed. Physically or otherwise. Hopefully.).

Anyway… Onto that list

Shit People Leave At Carwashes

  • XBox 360
  • Playstation 3
  • Strollers
  • Game Cubes
  • Buckets of quarters
  • A Vacuum that retails for about $175
  • Sony point and shoot camera…Brand new in box
  • Laptops – 3 to be exact
  • Huge CD cases full of hundreds of DVD’s and others full of CD’s
  • Trash
  • Garmin
  • Magellans
  • Cell phones – many times in working condition
  • Stereos
  • DVD players – portable and home
  • Bluetooths or would that be Blueteeth? (LOTS of these)

In addition, they vacuum up money, diamond rings, etc.

My husband is a manager at a car wash. He’s been there for a very long time, and the spoils he finds!!

This is only a partial list. Just some of the shit I could think up right off the top of my head. And of course everything is left at the carwash for weeks to see if someone will claim them. Most times they don’t.

Lesson to be learned? Make sure you look carefully to make sure you haven’t left something valuable behind or thrown it in the trash.

gardenofthegods 587

Here’s a picture of my husband while working at the carwash. People who go to this carwash are extra special and do not know how to line up for either of the 2 automatic carwashes they have. An employee has to stand there and direct traffic. Fucking epic.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Strawberry Shortcake Walleye

What the fuck?

Today was a weird day.

I wanted to go and take pictures at Cheyenne Mountain State Park. I think that’s what it’s called. It’s at least something with Cheyenne and State Park.

Regardless of what the place is called, we never made it. It started to snow. What the fuck? The weather forecast said there was a possibility of some rain. But it snowed. And the temperature dropped like 20 degrees in a matter of about 45 minutes.

So I didn’t get to go take some pictures. With my new camera. That I LOVE. I think I’m going into withdrawals.

I was able to find this lovely sign to share with you. I did a double-take. What the fuck is Strawberry Shortcake Walleye? And am I actually supposed to be HAPPY they have it back? There had to be a reasoin they go rid of it in the 1st place. Gotta love Today’s Flavor. If anyone gives this shit a try, let me know how it goes. I will have no pity on your soul. And I’ll stick with chocolate, thank you very much.

Really3.blogspot.com

I did find a dear old friend on facebook a day or so ago. I wasn’t so sure she was going to be happy to hear from me. She did request for me to be her friend, so I guess that’s something. There’s a bit of a story behind this friendship. Not a good one, either (there are a bunch of good ones, but I’m not so sure I should repeat any of those). We had a falling out many years ago. I was pregnant with my 1st son.

I won’t say much about the fight, but I will give you all some advice:

Do not wear a bi-polarized, depressed, pregnant woman’s work shoes. Especially if she needs them to wear to her own job when you’re wearing said shoes.

This might cause her to chuck (hurl!!!!) 64 ounces of pop and ice (give or take, but mostly take) directly at your chest.

Yes. I did that. And I’m not proud.

I missed this girl terribly. I have been looking for her for YEARS. She is not an easy woman to track down. I had to use my super ninja sleuth powers to find her.

And she looks ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!! MOTHERFUCKING HAWT!! Can we all say “JEALOUS” together?

Which means I need to start working out on the damn Wii again. That shit is hard though. Or maybe I should take a walk. But it’s frickin’ freezing out! Excuses are a dime a dozen in this house, let me tell you.

I needed to buy a new pair of jeans. I am not skinny (by any means or stretch of the imagination), so this can be a monumental motherfucking task. I decided to go to Lane Bryant (after trying 3 other stores that didn’t have diddly squat. I think it should be against the law to only carry jeans up to size 16. It’s bull shit). I love Lane Bryant. Such beautiful, well made clothes. But EXPENSIVE. Holy SHIT. I actually paid $69.50 for a pair of jeans. $69.50. I have never, ever in my life paid $69.50 for a pair of jeans. Let me repeat. Never, Ever. These jeans had better last a VERY long time.

I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. And it’s one more indication (like I needed any more) that I need to lose this damn weight. It would make jean buying a hell of a lot easier.

Anyway, sorry for the long ass post. I really try hard not to do that, but I’m feeling a little hyper.

Maybe it’s the iced tea.

Or maybe it’s a little bit of mania.

Friday, February 12, 2010

A Phone Conversation Between

phone me and her.

Me: Hello?

Her: Hey, how ya doin?

Me: Okay. You?

Her: Pretty good. What’s wrong? You sound funny.

Me: Oh, I’m sad cause my good friend hardly ever talks to me since she got her new boyfriend.

Her: Yeah, boys have a way of doing that to girls.

Me: I think that ----

Her: Well, my husband is calling me. I have to go.

Click.

Why the hell do I even bother?

I shit you not, this is a true story.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Kate Gosselin Is So

fucking funny! Every mom should be able to aspire to this...

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Sadly, Captain Phil Harris Of The Cornelia Marie, Has Passed Away

philharris This makes me so, so sad. I know he had his vices, but he really did not deserve to die so young. No one does.

I love Deadliest Catch. I never miss an episode when it’s running.

I loved his humor. I loved his crazy-ass laugh.

RIP Captain Phil. You will be missed by many.

My thoughts and condolences go out to his family.

Wordless Wednesday

100_0467

I just came across this old dandy the other day. It’s got to be about 4 years old. And for once I don’t have to say toooo much. (I tried really hard not to even say this much) This picture pretty much says it all.

Well, maybe I have to say a little more. Do you SEE how SHORT this girl’s hair is??? I want to cry.

Sad, isn’t it? (Her hair, not me)

Her brother used to cut her hair ALL THE FUCKING TIME. And if he didn’t do it, she did.

He finally quit when I told him that if he ever did it again, I was going to shave his head bald.

He didn’t believe me.

I showed him.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Music Monday ~Under The Water~ Merril Bainbridge

It would seem as if I forgot to do a Music Monday post yesterday. Not sure how. These are my favorite posts to do. I love music. I think I love music more than almost anything else.

This is another one of those songs that I loved to listen to. Like 12 or 13 years ago.

Lots of people tell me it's a weird song, but I don't think so. And anyway, not much could top what I posted last week.



Monday, February 8, 2010

I Don't Know What

the fuck is wrong with the previous post that I put up today.

I keep trying to delete that extra blank brown thingy, and then I save.

And every time I go to see what the post looks like that motherfucker is back up there.

Every. Damn. Time.

I have tried to fix it. Many times.

So fuck it.

I'm sorry, but that post just ain't gonna look pretty.

Quick! Cover Their Eyes!!

 I went to this site, typed in my url and it said this:


Thank you Ann from Ann's Snap Edit & Scrap. She has it posted on her blog.

I wasn’t exactly sure what that meant. Like am I worse than R? Better than? What?

So, I went here, and this is what it said:


NC-17: "No One 17 And Under Admitted": Originally called X, this rating is applied to films the board believes most parents will consider inappropriate for children. It indicates only that adult content is more intense than in an R movie; it does not imply any sort of obscenity. As with films rated R, the minimum age to see a NC-17 movie is 18 in some states.

It made me giggle. Just a little…

Yeah, I like the “F” word. Just a little…

I am so naughty!

Spank me! Spank me!

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Shit – I Mean Osmosis, Filtration, And Diffusion

Well, my fellow bloggers, I’d really love to give you a witty, funny, amazing post today. Really, I would.
But…it seems as if I have this little, itty-bitty lab report that I have to do. And basically sort of forgot about for 2 weeks.
It’s only on osmosis, filtration, and diffusion.  3 things I know almost nothing about. And don’t really give a shit about.
There are only:

  • 3 experiments to talk about
  • 3 graphs to make
  • 3 tables to make
  • a drawing of hemolysis (I think that’s when the blood vessels burst because they’re too full of shit) I’ll have to look it up
  • Calculate the filtrations rate
  • Some other busy work shit that they make me do
  • Even though I think it’s mostly a waste of my time
Can you tell how much I really want to do this report?
A pain in my ass.
And I actually pay them money so they can require me to do this.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
bloodthing 
The picture on the left is hemolysis. Hypotonic means that there was less “stuff” in the cell, so then the stuff that was on the outside of the cell went to the inside of the cell, and eventually it burst.
Is that some fun stuff or what?

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Is A Woodchuck Also A Groundhog?

Closeup_groundhogIf you ask Wikipedia the answer is yes. Apparently the little sucker is also known as a whistle-pig or a land-beaver. These little facts, I was not aware of.

Yes, the ground hog was in that stupid movie with Bill Murray.

Us really smart and totally cool Americans (& the Canadians, but I truly mean no disrespect) look for this thing to come out of his burrow every February 2nd, and if he sees his shadow, that means we will have 6 more weeks of winter. If we’re lucky and that little pig-beaver-hog-chuck doesn’t see his shadow, we are supposed to get an early spring.

Like I said, the little weasel didn’t see his shadow this year.

And we’re supposed to get a winter storm tomorrow.

Up above is a REAL picture of a woodchuck. Or a ground hog. Or a whistle-pig. Or a land-beaver.

Friday, February 5, 2010

I'm Still A Little Bit

pissed off at that little weasel or whatever it was that just saw his shadow.

Who hired the little shit anyway?

That fucker must really like snow.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

I Can Always Use A Good Dose Of Happy

Happy Award Terms and Conditions:
1. Copy and paste the award on your blog.
2. List who gave the award to you and link to his/her blog.
3. List 10 things that make you happy.
4. Pass the award on to other bloggers and visit their blogs to let them know!
I received the award from Em over at Emcogneato. She’s amazing and funny. Thanks for the award Em. I can always use a pick me up. You made my day.
The list (in no particular order):

  1. Iced Tea. I love Iced Tea. A lot. Almost as much as I LOVE my new camera.
  2. Mike. He keeps me going. I don’t know what I’d do without him. What a man to be able to put up with my crazy ass for the last 11ish years. I love you!
  3. Lisa. My best friend. She’s good at telling me the things I really don’t want to hear. We can all use a good dose of reality check once in a while.
  4. Goldie. My princess dog. She’s only 5 and has slowed down so much in the last year, but she’s the most stoic dog ever. She’d do anything for me.
  5. Taking pictures. Did I ever tell you how much I LOVE my new camera?
  6. Bedtime. The kids’ bedtime that is. No explanation needed.
  7. Sleeping In. Thank you Mike for getting the kids ready in the morning and taking them to school almost every single school day.
  8. My kids when they’re happy too. They remind me to try to be a better person. I’m not always a better person, but they make me try.
  9. Reading Books. I love books. Books of almost any kind. I even love to read books over and over. There’s always a something new to discover.
  10. Ice Cream. When I was a kid I would sit up and eat a bowl of ice cream with my Grandpa Lehr every night. I miss him so very much.
  11. Sunshine. I know it was only supposed to be 10, but I’ve never been great at following rules.
I pass this on to:
There are soooo many more who deserve this award. I’m sorry I don’t have the patience to link to every blog I really love.

Melissa, As Defined By Urbandictionary.com

meinarmy
2. melissa

Hottest girl in the known universe
likes taking it from behind
wow, you look like melissa
3. Melissa
Someone who is really blunt, but will tell you the truth, no matter what the circumstances. Someone who likes to go shopping, eat a lot, sleep and is kind of promiscuous but doesn’t care if anyone calls her a whore.  Melissa’s are cool, nice, fun, honest, kinda whoreish and a non conformist.
Guy #1: Dude! Did you make out with that girl at the party last night?
Guy#2: Hell yeah. She was pretty easy.
Guy #1: What’s her name?
Guy #2: Melissa.
Guy #1: Figures.
Guy #2: She’s cool though.
16. Melissa
When getting a hand job, the girl give a death-grip.
Girl: “Do you like this?”
Boy: “No! You’re giving me a Melissa!”
26. Melissa
A large black man’s erect cock. A box is optional.
It’s my Melissa in a box!
28. Melissa
a girl i wish i could puke on right now
melissa is a cunt!
30. melissa
A girl’s name in which the height of its popularity was in the 1980’s. The majority of females named Melissa were born with permanent sticks up their asses, and are therefore extremely uptight the majority of the time. Thereby anyone with an attitude, or literally a stick up their butt, can be described as being a Melissa. There rest of us are o.k.
Look at that Melissa with that stick up her ass! Why are you a bitch like Melissa?
30. Melissa
a worthless queer that walks around jacking off to ducks mating. this thing also creeps around and fucks girls with a strap on dildo
betty: hey did you see that queer?
josh: yeah that melissa?
I found these in the UrbanDictionary.com. All of the entries do not really describe me, but I thought they were funny as hell.
I tried to keep everything exactly as it was printed on the UrbanDictionary site, so that’s why some things are obviously not grammatically correct or spelled wrong. Not that we really care about that here.
The picture is of me. From a long time ago. When I used to be kind of hot, and just a little bit whoreish.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Wordless Wednesday

gardenofthegods 414On Sunday I went to Garden of the Gods with my friends, Lisa and James. I had my 3 little monsters with us, and James had his 2 little monsters. We had a total of 5 little monsters and it got hectic.

 

 

gardenofthegods 204A new lover’s kiss. Lisa and James are a new couple. We haven’t known James that long, but he seems to fit right in with the “family.” That’s Lisa and James to the left.

 

 

 

 

 

gardenofthegods 426We were there for only about an hour and a half. Somehow I managed to take over 500 pictures.

Did I ever mention that I LOVE my new camera?

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Dear Drivers,

You CANNOT merge onto the interstate doing 25 mph.


P.S. This is also pretty much impossible if you actually stop at the end of the on ramp.


Yes, I realize this isn't a picture of an on ramp. Whatever.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Music Monday ~Tootsie Roll Spoof~ 69 Boyz

Lisa Baby, this one is for YOU!!

I laffed my ass off at this one. I hope U do 2.

Maby I'll find my dicktionary on my putter, but even if I do, I still don't think it will get spelt rite.

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