Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Motherfucking Em

I would to start of by saying Em scared me. I always get nervous when I see a new person commenting on my blog.

I realize my blog isn’t for everyone, but I still don’t like people who say mean shit.

It just ain’t right.

My cheekbone still hurts from when I hit that fucker with my car door.

Sorry folks, no bruising.

I am just as disappointed as all you jackass shit fucks out there who were hoping for a bruise.

I really wanted to get a picture of that shit and post it for you.

Ask my husband. I must have looked in the mirror 692 times, at least. And I asked him if there was a bruise like a million times.

He just kept rolling his eyes, telling me that I couldn’t will a bruise to come out of my face.

He was right.

I’m really just kidding when I call you all a bunch of jackass shit fucks.

I really love you. Really. I’m just trying to get those fucks in wherever I can.

That seemed like good a place as any.

I'm tired, and that last sentence may not make sense to everyone.

But fuck it. That’s really how I talk.

Another funny for all my beautiful stalkers.

A day or two after I hit my cheekbone on the motherfucking car door, I was leaning in to buckle my daughtry up.

And smacked the shit out of my forehead. Leaned right in to that one like a total asshole.

Once again, I hate to disappoint ya’ll, but no bruises.

Just #PAIN!!

Oh the #PAIN!!

Wanking Bollocks.

Whatever the fuck that means.


Alison said...

Ouchies. Maybe you need to invest in a bubble to use when around the car.

I always end up hitting my son's head on the car when getting him into the van... bad mommy I am.

emcogNEATO! said...

LOL! I can't help but laugh at your PAIN!! Hope you'll forgive me.

Meg said...

That's a bummer about the bruise. Every time I get a slight injury I'm all "Is there a bruise? How 'bout now?" and then way disappointed when I don't have any cool black and blueness to show off as proof of my devastating injury.

Anonymous said...

Wanking bollocks!!!!

Steph said...

I second the bubble...or maybe just bubble wrap.

Ann said...

I see you are making up for your lack of the fuck word in your last post. Nice job :)
Pain without bruising just isn't right.

Jerry said...

Great make up post here. I couldn't help but laugh as I read it.

Stacie's Madness said...

it's FUNNY shit when someone else gets hurt. :)


Yeah, but you should see the car door.....

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