Do Not Lick Your Fingers At DisneyLand,

no matter how fucking good that cotton candy was.

Or regardless of whether or not you're stuck on a scenic train ride with nothing to wipe that sticky, gooey mess on.

I promise you, no good can possibly come from it.

Alright. I was going to stop there. But serisously. My kids licked their fingers too. How come they didn't catch the same cooties I did? Really?

Kids are nasty and dirty.

They stick their fingers up their noses (I would never do that...)

They don't wash their hands. Ever.

I'm a germaphobe. My daughter relishes in this fact.

She loves to swing those stupid swingy lids on garbage cans when we're in public.

She never hesitates to touch a toilet seat. Anywhere. Or open those icky little bins women throw their trash in in a public restroom.

Yet, I'm the one who caught cooties from licking my fingers!!

Fuck the Magic of Disneyland.

All you get is cooties.

I Finally Had To Step Away.

I agonized about this for a long time.

I finally just had to do it.

Sometimes it hurts.

But not very much and not for that long.

This really surprises me.

We were "best" friends for a very, very long time.

Even when we lost touch for those years in the middle when you moved away, you were always still a part of me.

I was so happy when you moved back a few years ago.

I'm sorry we weren't able to keep our friendship alive longer.

I tried.

I tried so hard.

But you were always too busy.

You always had better things to do, other people to see.

You drove (still do) by my house at least 3 times a month and I was lucky to see you even once a month.

You nonchalantly cut me out of your wedding. You said it was because you wanted a smaller wedding.

What's worse is you didn't even tell me when you decided to do this. You dropped it like a bombshell when we were all at the bridal store looking for dresses.

You always took. You rarely gave.

I felt like such a junior high-schooler in this relationship.

I'm too old for that. Life is too short.

I thought it would be hard.

But really, it was easy.

I feel so much relief.

Goodbye, my friend.

I will miss what I thought we had.