Living My Dream

Tricky question.

My Dream changes often.

Right now, I’d have to say yes.

I’m working towards running my 1st half marathon. I think I might have mentioned that before.

I’ve wanted to be a runner for years.

For years I’ve been afraid to even try. Once or twice I did try. But then game up after a week or two. It was easier to give up than to all out fail.

I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before. One of my best friends ran her 1st Half Marathon in January of 2012. I went to Disney Land to cheer her across the finish. Only that didn’t happen. Don’t like your fingers while you’re at Disney Land.

Anyway, I remember telling her over and over how she was crazy. How I’d never be able to do it. Ever. How I wouldn’t even try. There was no way I’d be able to run 1 mile, let alone 13.1.

In April, when they announced the 2nd Annual Tinker Bell Half Marathon at Disney Land, she messaged me. She told me next year I’d be crossing the finish line WITH her, instead of just being (sort of) at the finish line to meet her.

The words that came to my mind?

Fuck. I better start running.

And I did.

And it was hard.

Really hard.

I could barely run a mile and a half in 30 minutes. My average minutes per mile were hovering around 18 or 19.

But I kept on.

It got a little easier as time went on. As I remained dedicated to running 3 times a week.

Now, when I go out for a 30 minute run I get about 2.4 miles in.

My longest run to date is 11 miles. It was really, really, (fucking) hard. Well, not the whole thing. Just the last 2 miles. They were brutal. But I finished them.

My minutes per mile are about 12 to 13 now. Not fast, but much better when I started.

I’m proud of myself.

I even cranked up that dream a notch. My 1st half marathon will be the Disney Wine & Dine at Disney World this November 10th.

Wow.

Living my dream and feeling better than I ever have.

Go me.

This is me and Carly after our 1st 5K together in August of 2012. She came up from Arizona to run in The Color Run with me. She really loves me.

Day 6 of BlogFEST 2012 hosted by Corinne Rodrigues of Everyday Gyaan. Of course it’s not to late to join us!!

Online College Courses?

No thank you.

I gave it a shot, once. It wasn’t worth my time or the debt that followed after it.

I was enrolled in an online University that is highly advertised and seems pretty popular. I think I lasted through 1 1/2 classes before I gave up.

The first class was the mandatory study skill type of class they make you waste your money on. It went okay, but I didn’t really learn anything new.

The second class was one that dealt with management and the different styles and whatnot. The teacher was absolutely AWFUL. We had to write many essays. The 2nd essay was due long before the 1st one was ever graded. Therefore, our grades were lower because we didn’t know exactly what the teacher was looking for, his particular style, etc. It was a total pain in the ass. I couldn’t deal with it.

I don’t think I’ll ever try another one. Never say never, but it’s highly unlikely.

I don’t have a picture that goes with this  post, soooo here’s another pretty picture. It was taken at Helen Hunt Falls in Colorado Springs about 2 years ago, I think.

The days are getting colder. I hope this picture warms your heart, just a little.

This post is in response to Day 5 of BlogFEST 2012 hosted by Toni Lynn Cloutier of tonilynncloutier.com

Take Charge

Sometimes my life just feels out of control. It’s like I’m just sort of here, going through the motions, hanging on dearly, just along for the ride.

Sometimes I don’t even go through the motions. I’m just sort of existing.

I’m trying to get better at this. Really, I am.

One of the things I’ve found that has significantly impacted how I, well, just AM in my life is my weight. Not only my weight, but my general health and well-being that has gone along with my obesity problems.

If I could grab hold of the reigns and take charge of just one thing in my life it would be my health. Unfortunately, my weight plays a HUGE part in that. No pun intended.

This is a work in progress. I mostly grabbed those reigns, back in April of this year. I wrote a few posts on my running, but then quit. After one of my favorite readers said something like, “What’s with all this running stuff?” I just didn’t know what else to say about it. I did start a new blog that deals with just the running stuff.

This is me a few years ago. I remember spending most of my days snoozing on the couch. I didn’t give a shit if the kids were home or if a friend was over. I was tired and I just didn’t feel good. At all. It showed. Please, be kind. I know I didn’t look very good. I sure didn’t feel good. My blood sugar was high, my fibromyalgia was horrendous.

Last year I started losing some weight, just for no good reason. To this day I’m not sure why the pounds started dropping. I went from my all time high, around 280 something to down to around 225. I didn’t look that much better, lord knows. However, I felt a wee bit better. I was able to get up and out of the house a little more. My blood sugars went back to almost normal. My pain level didn’t drop at all. I think that was probably because I still wasn’t active.

Like I said, in April of this year I started taking charge. I started running 3 times a week. I started doing Zumba 3 times a week. The last time I had labs drawn, my blood sugar was down to normal. My cholesterol is much better. My bad cholesterol is good, the good cholesterol is good. My triglycerides still need some work, but they are down to 184. Doc says they need to be under 150, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. They started out over 500!!

All these things are good, but what’s great is that my mind is quieter, my depression better. My pain is almost nonexistent. It does creep back if I don’t take a pain pill before I go to sleep at night and if I don’t run for a few days. Best of all, I actually feel like getting up and doing things. Going on outing with the family, shopping, taking photos of pretty things, walking the dogs.

I strive to keep taking charge. Keep running, keep eating well. I want my life back.

This is day 4 of BlogFEST 2012 hosted by Stuart Fish at StuartFish.com

Make A Wish

I’ve had a lot of time to think about wishes, lately.

I have many of them.

I wish I could be thinner, more healthy.

I wish I was pain free.

I wish we had more extra money. Who wouldn’t love to be able to buy whatever their little hear desires, or to take vacations to the beach, whenever they want? Maybe the beach thing is just me.

I wish I could run faster. I do okay. I’ve improved a lot. I would still love to be able to get out there and run 10 miles in just over an hour rather than it taking 2 hours.

Oh, I could go on and on. I could add so many superficial wishes to this list.

I could even add a few, less superficial things.

I wish I could be closer to all of my family. It would be wonderful to be loved by all of them.

I wish I could see my grandma or grandpa just one more day. To hear the stories grandpa would tell. To eat one last bowl of ice cream with him, maybe two. I would love to give my grandma one last hug. One last kiss. To tell her how much she meant to me. To tell her I am who I am today because she truly loved me.

I could put more here, too. I’ll stop now. I’m in tears. Those memories of my grandma and grandpa always do it for me.

But, if I could have just one wish…. What would I chose? I’ll tell you what I would chose, hands down. No questions asked.

I’d wish that my son, Dylan, could see through all the bullshit that goes on and see right down to his true self worth.

I’d wish that he would quit lying, stealing, and sneaking around. Why he does these things is completely beyond me.

I’d wish that he would just do his stupid school work, bring home work home. He’s smart. He’s one of those gifted people who can just be good at school, without even trying. Unfortunately, he doesn’t try at all.

I’d wish he could complete something his heart desires, so he would be able to see that he is talented, and amazing, and totally worth it.

When he ran 1.5 out of the 2 miles for his time trial, but then quit before he could get the jersey and run for his school in the meet. My heart folded in on itself. I cried inside for him. He wanted so badly to run for his school.

I wanted so badly for him to shine.

 

Dylan all dressed up in Las Vegas.

Here is Dylan on his 1st day of 8th grade.

Dylan, Michael, and me after his 1st 5K.

This post is for Day 3 of BlogFEST 2012 hosted by Slyvie at Tree Girly. Take a peek, come join us. It’s fun!

Insomnia

The stars have to align, just right, for me to sleep. My daughter can sleep no matter what. She most certainly didn’t get those genes from me.

I guess it all started when I was a teenager.

I’ve never been much of a morning person. I’ve always liked to stay up late, then sleep late the next day. In the words of my sistah-in-law, I’m a night person living in a day person’s world.

It sucks.

My mom didn’t like to allow naps during the day. So even though I couldn’t sleep at night I wasn’t able to try to make up for it the day after. Every few days I would end up crashing once I got home from school and sleep until the next morning.

I remember being able to sleep when I was first married. Maybe. It could have been before I got married, but was living with my now husband. A lot of those years kind of run together.

I never was able to just fall asleep. Not right away. It always took me a while to fall asleep, but I was always able to get at least 6 hours a night. Something like that. I could at least function the next day.

To this day, it grates on my nerves when I hear the first, low snores out of my husband about 2 minutes after his head hits the pillow. I want try waking him up, just to ask if he’s really asleep that fast and just because I’m jealous he can fall asleep (Is that mean?). It’s not fair. Ohhhh, the injustice of it all!! And please know, I’m not exaggerating here. If he doesn’t fall asleep within about 10 minutes (extremely rare), he’s tossing and turning. Huffing and puffing because he just can’t fall asleep. Then about 5 minutes later *POOF!!* He’s asleep.

I’m left laying there for hours. Listening to the sweet sounds of his easy slumber.

I worked nights for about 10 years. I can tell you that didn’t help me at all. There are many in my family who are night owls, rather than early birds, so I am inclined to think this runs in the family. Maybe not.

No amount of medication or meditation seems to help me. Every once in a while I can get myself back on what society deems a normal sleep schedule. It usually lasts about 5 days. Tops.

You can bet, no matter how tired I am, no matter how many hours I’ve been awake in the last day or two, that if I have something important to do the next day, like an appointment or a trip out of town, there will be exactly zero sleep for me the night before.

This makes for a lot of days of just trying to get through.

Anxieties over real things and things that are only perceived to be real keep me up. Over and over.

I long for those days where I could sleep at night. Oh, how I long for them.

I don’t have a picture of me sleeping (you can thank me later), so here are a couple pretty pictures to look at.

This post is for Day 2 of BlogFEST 2012, hosted by Susan at Today’s Working Woman. Come on over and join us!

Party Time!

I don’t do parties so much any more. I want to. I really do.

My anxieties and felling of awkwardness just make it pretty damn near impossible. I just feel so out of place when I’m in a group, whether I know the people attending, or not.

Getting drunk used to help, but not so much these days. I can drink a few drinks, at the very most. I think this is karma biting me in the ass for the countless times I’ve told anyone who would listen that, “I never puke.” Top that off with the wicked heartburn I inevitably get, there you have it.

I guess I’m just getting old. Oh well.

This is me back in a time of excess. We would drink almost every weekend in my friend’s basement. I’m not sure what I was drinking here. Generally, vodka and OJ was our choice of drink. I would drink until one of my friends would hide the bottle. I could NEVER find that damn bottle….

Yep. Real classy. My friends were all a year older than me. Sadly, we didn’t get to hang out much after they graduated high school, so I’m guess I was a Junior here. Sorry mom.

This was 1997. I was in training while in the U.S. Army. It was Christmas time and one of my dearest friends drove down to Georgia from North Carolina to pick me up. That first day we drank screwdrivers and shots in her dad’s hot tub. For a really long time. I was inebriated enough that she had to shower me. Dress me. Fix my hair and put my make-up on. Shortly after that I think I tried to hump her Christmas tree.

Well, shoot. I cannot find that picture anywhere. I will keep looking for it and share it with you. I’m sure you’ll get a good laugh out of it.

 

This post was written for BlogFEST 2012 and hosted by Jenn at Wine-n-Chat. It’s never too late to join us!!