It Would Be Great If It Was True

Rob Thomas tweeted to me.

That was a comment left on my blog. Now, I’m not sure if she meant it the way it sounds.

To me it sounds like I’m trying to pull a fast one.

I’m not.

Please.

One thing I will NOT do is lie.

If I wanted to do that I wouldn’t tell ya’ll things like:

1. I yelled Son of a whore in the principal’s office at the school my kids go to.
2. I was scared of that poopy smell I smelled. Especially when I’m sure what I meant to say is Fucking Shitty smell. Anyway.
3. It bothers me when one puts milk from two different jugs (No, not THOSE kind of jugs!! Although, that would probably be even MORE fucking disturbing.) into one glass.
4. I ate 7 hotdogs. In. One. Day.
5. My husband once told me me he didn’t want to do it (have sex for those of you more mature than I) because his eyes were too dry.
6. I told my husband he could have the used XBox 360 he found in the garbage at work for Father’s Day.
7. I love Graham Norton. No really. I LOVE him. What self respecting female would actually say that?
8. When my 7 year old was puking his guts out, all I could think of was how I was going to turn that into a blog post. I am MEAN.
9. I am a fucking retard.
10. The definition of my name, as defined by UrbanDictionary.com.
11. We use shit people throw away at a carwash. Please don’t judge me.
12. I like to write blog posts in the shitter.
13. I went to my shrink with salad dressing on my face. MY. GODDAMN. FACE. FUCK!
14. My 5 year old can’t spell her name. But she can spell Poop.

Would you admit to any of that shit if you could lie your motherfucking ass off?

I didn’t think so.

Yes. Rob Thomas tweeted to me. He did say the fuck word.

If you can’t see where he tweeted. The word Fuck. To ME! I will plaster that shit on this post.

And I circle it in, bright, motherfucking red. Just to make sure.

And let it be known, I am not artistic or talented enough to be able to fake a screen shot.

If I could I totally make Tom Hanks tweet that he thought I was great last night.

Or I’d make Prince William tweet his undying love. To me.

And when I’m Queen of Motherfucking England, I will have all you unbelieving, cocksucking shits beheaded.

I’d also like to point out when I type in Motherfucking I don’t get that little, squiggly red line saying it’s misspelled.

Nice.

K-Cup Carousel Giveaway!

I finally made it over 100 follower on Google Friend Connect!!!

Yay for me!

I told ya'll I'd do something special.

I wasn't sure what.

But then I remembered I have this most awesome, brand-new K-Cup Carousel by Keurig.

My sweet husband bought me a Keurig for Christmas, and also gave me my own K-Cup Carousel. I ended up with an extra. Since I LOVE coffee so much, and especially coffee made in my Keurig, I thought I'd give ya a chance to win one of these.

This is not a sponsored post. It's completely done all by me. Be sure to let all your friends know, so they can have a chance to win too!!

P.S. There are no K-Cups with this giveaway, just the Carousel.

Enter Below!

I Held You Until

you let go of life.

The Vet got us a blanket. You laid right next to me, snuggled up, just like when we sleep at night or take a nap during the day.

I held you in my arms and whispered in your ear.

I felt your heart stop beating.

I’m sorry I had to be the one to make the decision.

I couldn’t stand to see you suffer any longer.

I hope you catch all the squirrels your little heart desires up there in Puppy Heaven.

I love you more than I can ever express.

Words are not enough.

Please forgive me.

How Do You Say Goodbye

to one of your best friends. To one who has been so faithful for his short life. Short for us, anyway.

I wrote in a previous post that our dog, Gruff, is dying. He has been in kidney failure for the last few months, at least.

We took him in for a routine dental cleaning, and found out about the kidney failure. His lab work at that time was in the "low" range. Meaning he was still in pretty good shape.

We changed his diet. He had to start eating some nasty "special" (aka: really fucking expensive) dog food. He would only eat the dry dog food if we put in the wet dog food too. Unbelievably, the canned dog food is over 2 bucks a can!!

Not the point. Money doesn't matter when you're trying to give a loved one the best quality of life during the rest of their limited time.

The 2nd time we brought him in to check labs, about a month later, one number went up, the other went down slightly. The number that went up brought him into the moderate range of kidney failure.

So we had to start giving him IV fluids under the scruff of his neck twice a week. Not as hard as it sounds, other than it sucked to have to poke that needle in knowing it had to hurt. And sometimes he had to be poked 3 or 4 times to get the required amount of fluid in.

One month later. His labs are now in the moderate-high range for both numbers.

So futile to do everything you're supposed to and the numbers just get worse and worse. And fast.

They just told us to prepare to say good-bye.

We have watched Gruff get progressively worse. Sometimes we were even able to see a huge decline day to day.

But he was still doing okay. Eating. Drinking. Every once in a while he would even get enough sprite to chase around our little Chihuahua/Jack Russell puppy around the back yard. Her name is Hua Hua (aka: The Rat).

But now. Now he won't even greet my husband when he gets home from work. He would always be waiting at the door. He would wait for Mike to come inside, then gently jump up and place his paws on Mike's shoulders. His way of giving a hug. I'm jealous to say that Gruff had a special bond with Mike. Not with me.

He hasn't even gotten off the bed in the last week and a half to two weeks to even stroll to the door to say hello when Mike got home from work.

Today Gruff started doing this tongue thing. He looked like Yoshi. Funny and freaky, all in one. We noticed he couldn't keep his mouth shut. Or even close his mouth to grab a piece of Mike's hot dog bun (apparently in our house, bread is a special delicacy for our dogs, only surpassed by a tasty tidbit of shit from the backyard).

He was able to eat some of his dinner, but can hardly drink water. Rather than try to syringe feed him water, for fear of choking him or having the water accidentally aspirate into his lungs, I gave him an extra IV tonight. He was so thirsty, but just couldn't get his damn tongue to lap up the water. And what little water did make it into his mouth wouldn't stay because he can't shut his mouth.

I did call our vet. Over the phone he said it sounded like it was a condition commonly referred to as "drop jaw." Doing some research, it looks like this can occur out of the blue, because of neurological problems, or trauma. I'm sure it has something to do with his kidney failure. It also looks like it can go away within a few days, weeks, or months.

This would be comforting news. Except. With what he is going through anyway, already looking emaciated and low on energy. And just dying from the toxins that aren't being flushed from his body by his kidneys.

Is it fair to keep him alive? Has he surpassed the stage of having any "quality of life?"

I think he has.

As much as it pains me, I think we will have to help our loyal friend cross over.

I don't know how I'm going to be able to do it.

What I know for sure, is that right now, I can barely breath.

Do You Ever Swear At Your Computer?

I do.

It’s a bastard.

But here’s a picture to make you feel fucking better.

Why You Shouldn’t Leave Your Children Unsupervised

Not only will they write on your walls, they will ruin your best pieces of art.

Almost 100 Followers!!

I might have to do something special when I reach that milestone....