Rob Thomas tweeted to me.
That was a comment left on my blog. Now, I’m not sure if she meant it the way it sounds.
To me it sounds like I’m trying to pull a fast one.
One thing I will NOT do is lie.
If I wanted to do that I wouldn’t tell ya’ll things like:
- I yelled Son of a whore in the principal’s office at the school my kids go to.
- I was scared of that poopy smell I smelled. Especially when I’m sure what I meant to say is Fucking Shitty smell. Anyway.
- It bothers me when one puts milk from two different jugs (No, not THOSE kind of jugs!! Although, that would probably be even MORE fucking disturbing.) into one glass.
- I ate 7 hotdogs. In. One. Day.
- My husband once told me me he didn’t want to do it (have sex for those of you more mature than I) because his eyes were too dry.
- I told my husband he could have the used XBox 360 he found in the garbage at work for Father’s Day.
- I love Graham Norton. No really. I LOVE him. What self respecting female would actually say that?
- When my 7 year old was puking his guts out, all I could think of was how I was going to turn that into a blog post. I am MEAN.
- I am a fucking retard.
- The definition of my name, as defined by UrbanDictionary.com.
- We use shit people throw away at a carwash. Please don’t judge me.
- I like to write blog posts in the shitter.
- I went to my shrink with salad dressing on my face. MY. GODDAMN. FACE. FUCK!
- My 5 year old can’t spell her name. But she can spell Poop.
Would you admit to any of that shit if you could lie your motherfucking ass off?
I didn’t think so.
If you can’t see where he tweeted. The word Fuck. To ME! I will plaster that shit on this post.
And I circle it in, bright, motherfucking red. Just to make sure.
And let it be known, I am not artistic or talented enough to be able to fake a screen shot.
If I could I totally make Tom Hanks tweet that he thought I was great last night.
Or I’d make Prince William tweet his undying love. To me.
And when I’m Queen of Motherfucking England, I will have all you unbelieving, cocksucking shits beheaded.
I’d also like to point out when I type in Motherfucking I don’t get that little, squiggly red line saying it’s misspelled.