Don't Get Me Wrong,

I love, love, lovveee, LOVE it when people tell me they love my blog. Or that I'm really funny. I especially like to be told I'm funny. (Ohhh, she's funny alright. But not really in a haha kind of way)


But DAMN!!! The PRESSURE!!!


I used to be able to just put whatever the fuck I felt like up on this blog.


Now I feel like I have to make sure it's funny. Or that people will like it. Or that someone won't be offended by it.


And ohmygod is that not EASY!


Like, hmmm, do they really want to hear another post about some crazy shit my 5 year old just said? I bet their 5 year old says the same kind of crazy shit.


Soooo, okay. Traffic? I fucking hate traffic. But most everyone else does too. I don't want people to have flashbacks of their road rage while reading my blog.


Weather? Weather's been shitty lately, so I really don't want to blog about that. And I don't think you really care about my shitty weather, since lately chances are, YOUR weather has been shitty too.


And then there are soooo many things I want to say here. You know the kind. The shit that other people do, that really pisses you off. Especially shit family does. Or close friends. Or anyone else I know. Or don't know. Oh, I love to blog about THAT!


Problem is, even if I am posting it to be ummm.... funny...most of them know about this blog, and every little thing that's said is scrutinized and analyzed and then all of a sudden people who haven't talked to each other in months or years are all over the phone and e-mail posting links to my blog so EVERYONE in the entire fucking world can see what a bad daughter/sister/mother/friend/bitch I really am, because I've hurt their felling so bad with this inconsiquential dribble I call a motherfucking blog.


And we certainly wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, would we?


Which leaves me without a lot of things to say.


motherfucker.

Why I Don't Have A Treadmill

I almost pissed my pants.

My Eyes Are Dry

Me: Let's do it.

Him: My eyes are too dry.

Me: Really?

True Story. And yes, I realize it make no sense what-so-ever.

So, I want to hear yours... What's the stupidest thing someone has said while turning you down? 

Spill it.

My Rant For The Day ~ Dang Dog!

So, I just yelled at my youngest Labrador, Bogey. It went something like this:

"Bogey! NO, Bad Dog! Eating toilet paper is disgusting. You're so gross!"

The poor thing then dropped the toilet paper and hung his head in shame.

He has this addiction to toilet paper. Any kind of toilet paper. Toilet paper from the trash can, toilet paper the kids have dropped on their bathroom floor, whether it be used or not, rolled up toilet paper. He'll even eat it with the wrapper still on it!! I think I need to get him into a 12 step program because his habit can be very expensive.

He's just lucky I've never run out of it when I needed it most!

Do your animals have any weird or quirky obsessions? I'd love to hear about them.

What was he thinking?

This morning my husband promised that I could sleep in. I love to sleep in. I haven't been able to do it for so long, it's not even funny. So, at 7:45 a.m. our daughter comes in to the bedroom, trying to wake me up. He tries to get her not to wake me up, by picking her up and trying to make her lay in the bed with us. Yeah, right. He should have known she wasn't going to go for that.

Finally, he gets her to calm down a bit, by just letting her sit on top of him while he's laying down. Great!!! I was on the verge of falling back asleep, almost in heavenly bliss, then....

RRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!

He passes the loudest, longest gas I have ever heard in my life. How the heck am I going to get any piece and quiet, if my husband is passing smelly gas right next to me. Gross. So, I get up out of the bed, and he can't figure out why.

What was he thinking?

The Last Mimzy

Two siblings begin to develop special talents after they find a mysterious box of toys. Soon the kids, their parents, and even their teacher are drawn into a strange new world and find a task ahead of them that is far more important than any of them could imagine!

We watched this movie last night. It was great. It was one of the cutest movies I've seen in a long time. The children were adorable. What they lacked in talent, they made up in cuteness. I would recommend this movie to any family with children. Even if you don't have children, I would definitely watch it.

Over & Over & Over

Why do children feel the need to repeat things over and over and over? Examples include: Opening & shutting doors, jumping on the dog(s), taking diapers off (but refusing to use the potty), trying to twirl my desk chair, trying to swim in the dog water, emptying all of the dog food onto the floor, etc. Do your children repeat certain things that are annoying?

Don't get me wrong. I love my kids, they're great. But, why can't they just play with their toys?